Marriage

I have this weird love-hate relationship with it. Or for the most part, it's actually fear. Fear of not finding that love that will last through all the challenges and years of marriage. Fear of getting into one that spells tragedy and a broken family. Fear of being trapped. Fear of love fading. Fear of rejection. Fear of third parties (and a 4th and a 5th etc), of boredom, of exhaustion.

Commitment. Maybe I can do it? If I try? But there are no "just try" in marriages. COMMITMENT. You decide to walk the aisle, you're in it. 

It's just really scary.

Friends and acquaintances are getting engaged or married - - -> this kinda puts the pressure on me as well. I just want to wrestle this monster out of my life. And teasing of relatives isn't helping. 

T_T

I do however (and this is where the love comes in) enjoy watching wedding videos. The part I love the most would be that moment the doors open and the bride starts to walk down the aisle. And then you look at the groom... that face will tell you the love he has for that girl who decided to walk down and meet him at the altar. It's that moment of coming together. It's perfect. Sometimes I'd think, maybe the risk of pain in the future is worth it just for that very moment when you can give and feel the most love. 

Jason Magbanua. It's your fault haha. Watching your videos get me all conflicted. 

This was one of his older works. I do enjoy the new ones, with all the gloss and hd-ness of techonology haha. But somehow the old videos do "it" for me. He truly captured the magic. 

Czarah and Adrian from Jason Magbanua on Vimeo.


Yes Lord, let me find the right one and not be scared of it.

We've been waiting and waiting the entire night. We jumped with the crowd. We sang with the crowd. The strong smell of sweat, smoke, strong cologne and alcohol battled with the heat  that passed through every nerve of every person getting high from the neon glow.

And then it played. Electric, like 2 opposite poles, it was instant attraction. A quick brush, a slow slide of the finger, deep breaths. Lost among the unaware crowd, the distance vanished.

"While the band played our song, in this sea of colorful lights, while they jumped and sang, we kissed. 

No stopping til last note."

2012

They say, how you spend your new year will be a sign of how the year would be for you. Well,  I had a blast (literally too haha). So 2012, I'm looking forward to working with you. 

Days before New Year's eve, I've been praying hard for the weather to be fine. Christmas was rainy. Even the days after that. By the 30th, things were looking sunny. 31st evening was perfect. 

This was my first time spending new year's eve like this. Boga, pinoy henyo, dancing, beer, pick-up lines, more beer, more dancing, friends and family, beer drenched hair *reminds me so much of macau*... I would do it again. In a heartbeat. Only, next time would be in 300+ days. HAHA.

This year, I would try to make things less complicated. Thank you lolo of coke commercial. Thanks for reminding me that life is too short to be spending it on nonsense things. What matters is your happiness. Find that thing that will make you happy and go for it. Spend time with family and friends. Pay attention to the more important things bec. time is ticking. Go back to the very basics. 

Salubong of new year, thanks for letting me know what matters most. 

To my lola, I love you and although I can't spend as much time as I want with you, I want you to know I always think of you. I'm going to come back soon :) Thanks for everything.

To my lolo, my greatest general, my playmate and inspiration, I miss you so much. Everyday. I love you. I'll try to visit everyday if I could when I go back lo.

Home. That's where you feel most comfortable. Where everything fits and feels right. 

This is also my home. And this is how they.... or we, spend new year's eve with loved ones. 

(only 20 of 300+ photos... it was very hard to choose!)

All of the lights

I just suddenly felt like jumping to this. One with the crowd. I missed this performance.

Lola Terry's Treasures

11.11.11

It's 11/11/11 today. I usually wish every time the clock strikes 11:11. This time, I got the whole day. And besides having 1 wish, I decided to make a list of 11 :)

1. yongseo happily ever after
2. be a successful fashion designer
3. establish a brand/business in Asia with trusted friends
4. success for my brother after college
5. travel to holy land with family
6. finally experience spain
7. find and meet my boy within 3 years
8. a Filipino president that will truly change the nation for better
9. less pollution for healthier living
10. new car
11. spending time with friends would be easier in the future (bec being one ocean away is T_T)

Parissiene Soshi

Soshi styled by W Korea and Lacoste. Paris 2011. All photos from www.wkorea.com and http://yurui.kr/