restless

2012-01-26T10:41:00.000-08:00

We've been waiting and waiting the entire night. We jumped with the crowd. We sang with the crowd. The strong smell of sweat, smoke, strong cologne and alcohol battled with the heat that passed through every nerve of every person getting high from the neon glow.

And then it played. Electric, like 2 opposite poles, it was instant attraction. A quick brush, a slow slide of the finger, deep breaths. Lost among the unaware crowd, the distance vanished.

"While the band played our song, in this sea of colorful lights, while they jumped and sang, we kissed.

No stopping til last note."

2012

2012-01-22T02:36:00.000-08:00

They say, how you spend your new year will be a sign of how the year would be for you. Well, I had a blast (literally too haha). So 2012, I'm looking forward to working with you.

Days before New Year's eve, I've been praying hard for the weather to be fine. Christmas was rainy. Even the days after that. By the 30th, things were looking sunny. 31st evening was perfect.

This was my first time spending new year's eve like this. Boga, pinoy henyo, dancing, beer, pick-up lines, more beer, more dancing, friends and family, beer drenched hair *reminds me so much of macau*... I would do it again. In a heartbeat. Only, next time would be in 300+ days. HAHA.

This year, I would try to make things less complicated. Thank you lolo of coke commercial. Thanks for reminding me that life is too short to be spending it on nonsense things. What matters is your happiness. Find that thing that will make you happy and go for it. Spend time with family and friends. Pay attention to the more important things bec. time is ticking. Go back to the very basics.

Salubong of new year, thanks for letting me know what matters most.

To my lola, I love you and although I can't spend as much time as I want with you, I want you to know I always think of you. I'm going to come back soon :) Thanks for everything.

To my lolo, my greatest general, my playmate and inspiration, I miss you so much. Everyday. I love you. I'll try to visit everyday if I could when I go back lo.

Home. That's where you feel most comfortable. Where everything fits and feels right.

This is also my home. And this is how they.... or we, spend new year's eve with loved ones.

(only 20 of 300+ photos... it was very hard to choose!)

All of the lights

2012-01-12T09:38:00.000-08:00

I just suddenly felt like jumping to this. One with the crowd. I missed this performance.

Lola Terry's Treasures

2011-12-10T10:05:00.001-08:00

11.11.11

2011-11-11T07:30:00.001-08:00

It's 11/11/11 today. I usually wish every time the clock strikes 11:11. This time, I got the whole day. And besides having 1 wish, I decided to make a list of 11 :)

1. yongseo happily ever after
2. be a successful fashion designer
3. establish a brand/business in Asia with trusted friends
4. success for my brother after college
5. travel to holy land with family
6. finally experience spain
7. find and meet my boy within 3 years
8. a Filipino president that will truly change the nation for better
9. less pollution for healthier living
10. new car
11. spending time with friends would be easier in the future (bec being one ocean away is T_T)

Parissiene Soshi

2011-09-23T23:11:00.000-07:00

Soshi styled by W Korea and Lacoste. Paris 2011. All photos from www.wkorea.com and http://yurui.kr/

100 years of fashion

2011-09-19T08:01:00.000-07:00

But can someone enlighten me? I'm confused beginning punk to the grungy 90s. Wasn't punk during the 80s? And disco during the 70s? The entire 80s line confuse me.

camping

2011-08-27T18:03:00.000-07:00

mother tree who gave us shelter from heat

red sky

i took home a feather (not this one)

another feather in the sky

i really like this man made invention. reminds me of rizal days

I'm not an outdoors person. Not the physical activity kind. Although it would be nice if I had the stamina and patience for it, but I just don't get the kick from it. I prefer going to bookstores and museums. However, when a chance presented itself to me, I took it. I've been stressed with work that I just wanted to leave everything behind to relax and just breathe the air. I also took it as an opportunity to get away from my computer (I'm heavily dependent on internet) so I could just read books, take photos, enjoy nature. I didn't expect much. It was to unwind and put a pause in my life.

I do like building tents. I like that more compared to say cooking or packing/cleaning up. Give me 3, 4 tents and I'll help build.

It was nice. The view, the sun. It was fascinating to hear Cayotes at night too. Only had a problem with bathrooms but it wasn't that bad. My mom didn't like it at all haha poor her. Same with the other moms. But I always tell her, mom that's not camping if you want full room accomodations.

Will I do it again? Maybe :) I'm not closing my door to it. It will depend on my mood hehe.

succulents and a tiger

2011-08-16T21:19:00.000-07:00

So my aunt's new hobby is gardening. Her backyard looks pretty and clean now :) It was relaxing to stay there. Good job tita.

their guardian

Expedition Impossible

2011-08-07T23:02:00.000-07:00

So the guy behind quality reality adventure shows does it again. This time, Mark Burnett sends out teams of 3 to the land of Morocco for some...expedition. It's like Amazing Race... only no planes and no taxis. Just one country too.

I only got to watch it today when they're down to...6? 7 teams? Will try to find time to watch the older episodes this week.

Casper's Lullaby

2011-07-26T21:47:00.000-07:00

Can I keep you?

--------

I found this new respect for film/tv score composers. Somehow they're able to capture the "feel" of moment, and they're able to translate them into notes which then enhance the film elevating the experience of the viewers.

Don't you just wish your own musical score for your life is playing?

2011-07-24T23:25:00.000-07:00

But for some reason, I always end up siding with the “good guy”. I guess it’s exhilarating to be with the bad kid, to flirt with danger, to have passion. But I would always choose the other one… the one that cares from afar, the one that valiantly protects even with heartbreak… the safe guy. It’s not settling for less mind you. If some girls love the bad boys, I love this kind of boy.

(Max Irons as Henry for Red Riding Hood)

2011-07-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

In a precarious situation. Very curious.

When your commanding officer makes a decision, you go along with it even if you don’t agree with it. You can pay with your life if you’re at war.

I would like to say my thoughts as well. But I stop myself knowing that I should just let it die down. I guess this is what my grandfather felt that night. I was told he turned off his radio (forgot where he was stationed) when Ramos/Enrile decided to leave Marcos’ side. For the same reason, I maintain my silence. Not to a certain few though.

Well I just hope this, whatever this is, dies a natural death so we can all move forward positively. Both sides have been hurt in this and it's all thanks to a fail PR move. My head still hurts thinking about it. But I'm more hurt of the extracurricular name calling. Or other things similar. One day, will my name and head be in the torturing chambers too? Chopping block? It stings.

I still have my officer’s back. It doesn't mean I agree with what has been said. Can't even say here my outright position. Can't even show support (a very very sad thing, like I got amputated). I'm part of this house so I have to protect and hold the foundations when the storm's trying to break it. I won't abandon it bec. I too gave my time and love to build it.

I wanted to be Switzerland in the beginning of this whole thing. I’m trying to be Switzerland still. But in the meantime, consider me semi MIA. Zen Ohm-ing with my chinggu.

*munching on choco and reese m&ms and choco gummy bears*

Seungri - VVIP

2011-07-09T20:54:00.000-07:00

Music Core performance 110129

2011-07-03T12:53:00.000-07:00

In celebration of 10 years of digital innovation, RalphLauren.com presents the ultimate fusion of art, fashion & technology in a visual feast for the 5 senses. Watch as the New York women's flagship at 888 Madison Avenue disappears before your eyes and is then transformed into a series of objects and images rendered in 3-dimensional space.
(RLTVralphlauren)

2011-07-02T01:00:00.000-07:00

If I Die Young - The Band Perry

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
oh oh oh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
There's a boy here in town says he'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
oh oh

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls

slapping the wheel

2011-06-27T22:37:00.000-07:00

this afternoon...

I'm thankful for music when driving.

Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young - Ohio

Live in Boston (Nov.3.1971)

Sometimes it amazes me how I've come to love the kind of music my dad listened to when he was young. Sound is timeless. Some things we disagree on but for music, my dad and I have common ground.

SNSD for Marie Claire Korea May 2011

2011-05-14T19:09:00.001-07:00

My personal favorite - Seohyun's cover. And with reason. First cover that sold out during first day of release.

2011-04-21T22:42:00.000-07:00

Let the music bury the words. Don’t know if it’s a good thing. But it’s putting a stopper. Or I’m just using a scapegoat for something I do on my own.

The stopper the stopper the stopper.

You chitchat. You joke around. I’m sorry if I come off as rude but I really don’t care about your puppies or your…

Distance.

I’m just letting it freeze for now. Who knows?

The stopper the stopper the stopper.

Inject music in me with that needle so I can feel it in my bloodstream and the music will be louder and it will finally drown the thoughts away.

Blurry's not so bad. /but I could be very wrong.

*picture of mannequins, documenting recent change for windows. But I was unprepared and I accidentally snapped.

I'm like oh oh oh oh

2011-04-11T14:13:00.000-07:00

March 19, 2011 Far East Movement performs Rocketeer on Music Core

Nah, I never been in space before

But I never seen a face like yours
You make me feel like I could touch the planets
You want the moon, girl watch me grab it
See I ain't never seen the stars this close
You got me struck by the way you glow
I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh
I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh

(credit to whoever made it - mianhe T_T don't know who you are)

Run Devil Run Japanese Ver.

2011-04-09T23:26:00.000-07:00

They all look gorgeous! I especially love Jessica, Yuri and Sooyoung in this. But the unconditional love? You Seohyun, our Seo Joohyun. Oh when did you become a woman? *cough*

SNSD forever!

2011-03-20T14:17:00.000-07:00

I have been out of touch lately.

My body rejects it. My mind rejects it.

Once there was a time when I look down on people who simply neglect news when they have the avenues to be aware. I felt that it was irresponsible to not know. I still feel that actually.

I don't know what happened.

With all the bad things going on, I'd rather face the direction of that which makes me happy.

Hypocrite?

Maybe I just need time.

But even the happy image got scratched, spray painted on or whatever. It fell down, cut from the strings that used to hold it up.

So I'm kinda being forced to look behind and see what's going on.

But I need time.

T.O.P totally tapped my fangirlness

2011-01-30T16:38:00.000-08:00

First time in my kpop fangirling history that I've felt like this! Literally, I was biting on my fingers suppressing squealing... like a mixture of excitement and wanting to cry too.

I want those brows so much! Looks damn fine even with the bleached hair! Those stares! When he first looked at the audience *sucks in breathe

And wow Jiyong, really.... GD I'm impressed.

Come to noona! Turn IT UP alright!

From the MAMA 2010 (macau)

T-ara's Jackets

2011-01-28T01:26:00.000-08:00

Whoever did the jackets for T-Ara's Why Are You Being Like This? I salute you haha. I really want to make something like this in the future. Kinda reminds me of Balmain or McQueen. Givenchy too?

2011-01-03T23:25:00.000-08:00

Haven’t been blogging much. I feel like I’ve neglected tumblr for the past few weeks. Even my blogspot’s kind of…dying. But I will keep it. It may be quiet there but it holds some memories.

For the past week, I’ve been constantly travelling. Salinas-Modesto-Irvine-Anaheim-San Diego-Roseville… nonstop. I enjoyed my vacation. But at the same time it made me realize, I still haven’t found myself really. I know what I want to do. But I can’t figure out where I should be. Home? Where is that? Discord with a lot of things around me. Yes I’m excited for this coming spring but I’m mostly scared.

Out of my comfort zone into the fire.

I just wish I know where to go after. I need to blend in. Belong. Everything’s so distant.

Car Commercials

2010-09-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

are sexy. I love them (not all but most that aren't cheesy).

The latest commercial from Ford Mustang reminded me how car visuals and nice music are enough to tempt you to go car-shopping (well if you have the money). Speeding through the streets and highways of SF with The Black Skulls' Light of the Morning, ladies and gentlemen, the 2011 Mustang V-6.

Next are some of my favorite car commercials :)

Not a fan of Cadillac but hey, if it can make me sexy ala Kate Walsh, sign me up for a test drive :) A black one of course.

Yumeji's theme from In The Mood For Love (Wong Kar Wai film)

One of the few funny car commercials that I like. HAHA really smart. HYUNDAI!

Asian cars or European cars... I don't really like American ones but deym commercials can really be convincing! For my first car (I have one but I mean from my own sweat and tears) I want an suv. The smaller ones like this car or Hyundai's Tucson.

Crazy! hahaha :) But I'm not that convinced. I just think that the likes of George Washington and company driving like this with those wigs is hilarious hahaha. So out of place.

And how could I forget :) Musical cars!

------------
The next videos are still my favorites but I dedicate this last part to Audi - my dream car.

This last one is my Top 1. I just feel attached to it. Audi "Separation" commercial.

AUDI AUDI AUDI! :)

debt

2010-09-13T21:58:00.001-07:00

When I was watching CNN the other day, I came across the quote "debt is slavery".

This exactly explains why I refuse to enroll in a private prestigious design school. I guess to me it's not practical to get a student loan that big (I mean 35k dollars or more) when it doesn't really guarantee you a a better job after graduating. In the current economic condition, everyone is struggling and I learned that no matter how expensive your school, in the field of fashion, you have to start from the bottom. It doesn't apply to everyone - I know some people can get lucky.

So, I'd rather save the money for travel and future schooling in Europe (still dreaming of this). I'm not saying it's a bad decision. If you have the money, then why not? But for me, without any financial support from parents, I just don't think I want to face a future of debt. Insurance expenses are bad enough, add to your usual monthly bills like phone or if you live alone, rent and electricity. I cannot afford it.

True, you pay for the quality of education and in the future, you expect return on your investment (ROI business students). But I'd like to think I can still do good in this chosen field. It will be a lot of hard work trying to climb the ladder. But I'd have to make use of what I have and what I'm given.

I refuse to wear shackles to go to private school. There is another way and I will find it and walk that way.

mass and communion

2010-09-12T16:06:00.000-07:00

It's another Sunday of not participating in Communion (I missed two church services).

Usually, I would concentrate on just praying while others are lining up to receive the Host. When I was done praying today, I stood up and observed the people who were receiving the Bread. I focused on the server directly in front of me (was sitting at the 2nd row). I was instantly attracted to her metallic ruffled blouse which has the same material to a dress I recently merchandised near our store entrance. I don't love the blouse. It was just so familiar looking. But then I thought if I'm old, is it my fate to wear clothes like the ruffled purple metallic blouse? Hmmm...

And then I began to look at the people who she was serving to. There's this huge and bald guy who didn't offer his hands and instead received a blessing (something you give to the kids who haven't had their First Communion yet). There's this old lady who was rushing that she couldn't even wait for the server to put The Host properly in her palm and that she took it straight from the server's hand. There's this teenager who obviously was bored and looked like she just wanted this to be over (I got pissed at this). There's this couple who looked like they just fought and had sour faces.

If you're going to receive Jesus, at least, give the proper respect. Shouldn't you be thankful for this gift? What's with the bored and the sour facea and the rushing. At least the big guy, although in his heart he knows he couldn't receive The Host, he still lined up to receive a blessing. If you don't receive wholeheartedly, then don't bother anyway. You won't receive your miracles just by eating bread. For others, it's just mere obligation and it's very heartbreaking.

Soya

2010-07-31T21:35:00.000-07:00

Kim Soya is 1/2 of Kpop duo SoyaNSun.

I love her! She looks like a doll! Happy points to their stylist.

The red outfit from Music Core June 12 with the braided hair and black hat - that's my favorite!

Screencaps by me. Effort.

This is the song they're promoting. Smiling Goodbye.

That's Why I'm Scared Of Riding Elevators Alone

2010-07-22T21:17:00.000-07:00

I had the weirdest dream last night. We (friends and family) were going in an elevator, ready to go to our lodging (I guess we were travelling?). It looked like a hostel or those old eerie hotels. Even inside the elevator was dark. When people were entering, we already had this weird feeling. I moved to the center. When the doors closed, we anticipated the lift. But, when I looked at the digital screen, the numbers were going crazy. It's as if we were going up and down. And somehow, I was able to connect it to some superstitious happening. I led everyone in praying an Our Father while we were holding hands. And while reciting the lines, I felt a hardness in breathing and my voice wouldn't come out clear. The room started to spin.

I was saved by my alarm clock.

45 minutes

2010-07-14T11:12:00.000-07:00

Or more. That's the amount of time I was at the emergency parking lot at my mom's hospital waiting for her the other day. I was there at 7:08pm (we got told she'll get off from work at 7). Uhmmm...

So in those 45 minutes or more I've waited, I witnessed a multitude of life's little games of laughters and heartaches.

I kept pushing the different buttons of my car stereo. Would listen to some hiphop but would always go back to the classical station. There was a family parked at my right. I don't know what they were doing there, didn't seem they were waiting for anyone. Car problems?

There was also an ambulance that backed up the loading/unloading area. There was a patient in a stretcher.

Then that raging sound of a helicopter. It was too close. I realized it was landing on the hospital's helipad when some people started pointing at it. I lowered my car's windows. This guy parked opposite my car, hilarious, he even took photos/videos of it. For the kids at my right, it was a spectacle to see. The girl even rushed to get closer. The pilot didn't turn off the engine. When I saw him, I remembered my friend and his dreams of piloting a helicopter or a plane. It was pretty cool!

And then after for like 20 minutes? The helicopter went away. At around 735pm, I saw my grandma/godmother lola Mitzi come out of the exit. She's also a nurse in that hospital. She said they had many patients at it was really busy.

I was still there, waiting for my mom when suddenly a couple of cars came rushing. This particular galant parked in front of me was so fast I thought he was going to hit this person. They were all rushing. 2 men came down from the truck that parked behind me. Later, I saw the same 2 men go out of the emergency, one trying to console the crying other. This young kid who was driving the Galant also came out and was like panicking on the phone.

More cars came. I guess it was a bad family reunion. It could be that person from the ambulance.

When a long-haired guy finally arrived and met the Galant kid, the Galant kid just suddenly sat down and broke in tears. I felt bad I was like trespassing into some private moment but that was where I was parked. Looking at him, it felt like I was watching a drama series. I felt so sad for him.

Finally my mom came out. It felt weird. Here was one family suffering while my mom leaves the emergency room just as another day at work is finished.

I took one last look at Galant boy who was still outside. I hope he's better now.

What is Trip hop?

2010-07-08T20:06:00.000-07:00

To be honest, I always have a hard time defining music genres. I'll know when I hear it. If you let me describe genres, I'd more comfortable giving examples of bands or solo artists that fall under the categories. Also, most of the time music has the tendency to touch different styles and cannot be restricted to one category alone.

Anyway, I've only recently researched on what Trip hop is. Funny I've been listening to Trip hop longer than knowing what kind of genre it is. I tried the yahoo radio station labeled Trip hop last night? I usually play the Coffeehouse station, Chill Out, House even that Passport Approved which I don't really get but I still like.

Trip hop is under electronic. Curious how it has hop like Hip hop so I thought maybe these genres are related although I can't really tell how since themes and vocal styles are totally different (plus the major element of Hip hop that's missing - rap which I've only heard once or twice and it's not the rap I'm used to hearing).

From wiki:

Trip hop is a music genre that refers to a musical trend that began in the mid-1990s of downtempo electronic music and grew out of England's hip hop and house scenes, including the Bristol underground scene. It has been described as "Europe's alternative of choice in the second half of the '90s", and a one-up fusion "of Hip-Hop and Electronica until neither genre is recognizable." It is thus categorized as a fairly experimental genre, and sometimes with elements of Dance.

- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trip_hop

WHAT? That didn't really make sense to me. SO IT DID COME FROM HIP HOP. Must be the beats? The electronica part is very obvious. So after Google, the definition that made sense the most is this:

1a. This is by far the most commonly asked question, and the most difficult to answer, but I will try my best to sum it up. Triphop is a blend of electronica and hip-hop, urban and ethereal, street and ambience. It is music that is thought provoking, sexy, sensual, and deep. Defining triphop is so difficult because the music is so amorphous, and it spreads across such a wide range of emotions and sounds. Some groups will have you nodding your head and tapping your feet while others will possibly lower your blood pressure (joke, sorta;).

1b. Some triphop is narcotic - extremely mellow strings, a gentle brush beat on the drums, spacey bass lines echoing in the background with sullen female vocals at a whispers volume. Some triphop is loud - in your face with turntables burning themselves up, bass driven hip hop beats, thumping bass lines and rapping. A good deal of what is between these 2 examples would classify as triphop. That is indeed a big pill to swallow, so I will now attempt to describe triphop from a different point, the mood and messages evoked

- http://www.triphop-music.com/faq

Yeh that speaks to me I guess. Narcotic - haha I'd actually say triphop is bed music. Bed for sleeping and bed for something else :p

Portishead - is a band and style I really love. 90s music. Trip hop.

Other groups with such style - Massive Attack, Thievery Corporation, crazy Bjork, Morcheeba, Mono, even Gorillaz (ahhhhh...).

My first ever favorite Trip hop track, fell in love with it when I was still in elementary:

"give me a reason to be a woman..."

Doritos - Bring On The Night

2010-07-06T01:11:00.000-07:00

Color My Toes

2010-07-04T00:46:00.000-07:00

It's not that I don't like you blogger. I was just busy plotting my life.

It's been a long time! I've dropped a boyband from my love list, adopted another korean boyband as my babies, decided to continue fashion, decided to study etc.

Right now there's not much to do with my career. I have to wait. And while I'm at it, I've been bombarding myself with kpop and kdramas even korean variety. Laughter :)

Also, before I would tell myself not to get a pedicure here since it's too expensive compared to Philippine rates. But well, I couldn't take it anymore! I miss a bit of pampering! And I miss nail color. I can't do it myself.

I've let go of my black/red only streak. I'm trying out new colors now!

This one's dark green with matte finish. I loved it.

This was from yesterday! Aside from choosing a wrong color ( I thought it would turn out more electric blue but it looked like my former color), it got ruined right away! And I wasn't happy with the work.

So... had a change of color this afternoon.

Much better :)

I don't color my fingernails anymore bec. I'm sure they'll chip off after a day's work. :(

SNSD - Run Devil Run

2010-03-28T14:35:00.000-07:00

SNSD released their latest single and for the first time, they used a dark concept which I totally love bec. it shows their mature side (just like what Genie did). Although, some would argue, the clothes/styling isn't dark enough haha. But the mood is fine with me. It's more modern woman fighter (reminds me of Aeon Flux or Mrs. Smith) than dark/rebellious b*tch. The woman fighter actually fits their song more.

Here's the mv (from SM Entertainment's youtube channel).

So my verdict? I totally loooove the white segment! The suits and the high ponytail are just perfect! The individual black styles are also good except I wish they made Sooyoung's hair edgier just like how Amber's is in some of f(x)'s perfs. Also, the clip-on bangs the used on Yoona turns me off. She's already pretty but that style doesn't suit her. Least favorite would the black hoodie segment. I totally love the idea, it's just by execution, it kinda failed. Instead of using a cropped sweater with hood, it would have been better if they attached the hood to a one piece. The material they used for the shorts isn't flattering too... well you'd see later what I'm talking about.

This was their first comeback stage. KBS Music Bank.

I got excited when I first saw the white but I realized the costumes they wore are totally different from the white ones they used in the mv. And upon closer inspection, there's a dracula-style collar! I have nothing against Dracula's style but the material they used, it was too flimsy? And the embellishments on the chest area...oh no... it looked tacky :( Music Bank was just fail for me in terms of styling. The hair's the only thing I actually like. Seohyun's braid bun is my favorite.

Next day performance was their comeback at MBC's Music Core.

So they now used the hoodie. Look at Jessica, the blonde with black streaks, the shorts don't fit her! It looks wrong. That's what I'm saying with the construction of the suits. Also, they're drowning in black. They could have scrapped the tights and instead of wearing those normal/strappy heels, they should have used black lace up booties with heels instead. The tights don't make it look bad but it's just overwhelming for me.

Next performance was Sunday's SBS Inkigayo. I kinda didn't like the angle from where some parts were aired (it missed the diagonal formation and instead focused on Sica) but this stage is my favorite when it comes to styling!

My total favorite is Sica's! Silver sequined cropped top with tuxedo blazer and some shiny pants... her hair is gorgeous! I actually hate her usual blonde hair (especially the one from Suju M's supergirl mv) but this time, she's rocking it! It's so fierce! The black streaks totally made the difference. My eyes grew big(ger haha) when I first saw this on their MV but seeing it more in Inki made me totally fall for it! Super plus plus, super duper two thumbs up! I love Taeyeon's look too and Sunny was super cute with her cute little black dress and black baseball cap. Only thing is, she's already the shortest and they made her wear flat boots haha. Yoona's bangs needs to leave SMtown haha. I'm still half-half on Yuri's feathered bosom hahaha. But she's totally sexy! She has the best body from SNSD. And Sooyoung... I think stylists can't figure out what to do with her hair since it's so short. And goodness Sooyoung I know you eat a lot but you have to eat more! So so thin!

Latest performance would be from KBS Music Bank again. Video is with english subs so yey, you'd understand what they're singing about! hehe.

This is a total improvement from their first KBS stage. The suit's different but they used a velvety/felt material so with that...err... I'm not too sure about. But the epaulets with chains are always a plus for me. Love the contrast of the silver heels.

I'm going to practice this dance when I'm done with Oh! the first single from their album :)

Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics

2010-02-20T23:01:00.000-08:00

Like the Beijing Olympics, I'm also religiously following the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics. I keep the TV listings and event results/schedules on one tab of Firefox everytime I'm in front of my computer.

I was uninterested at first but after watching the opening ceremonies and few of the short track games, I kinda got hooked! Short Track is my favorite sport to watch and I have a huge bias for the Korean athletes haha. Then Apollo Ohno and Jr Celski (who's part Filipino) for Team USA. Biathlon I think is cool even if I don't really understand the mechanics. But I love how shooting targets is incorporated into skiing. Snowboarding Halfpipe was scary to watch! It was amazing but it was also hard not to imagine who's going to fall or hit his/her head. I have a huge respect for the ladies of the sport.

Curling though is one sport I can't understand. It's like Billiards on ice! haha. I'm still waiting for the women's skating events - go Kim Yuna! :) I've just realized too that Ice Dancing is a completely different even from Pairs Figure Skating! Nyahaha.

I think I should convince the family to take a vacation to Tahoe so I can try snowboarding, ya? :p

------------------------

One thing I enjoy about olympics are the commercials by the sponsors. They would always incorporate strength/determination in their ads. I have a few favorites!

Coke Limited Cans :)I love how you see the red and white you already know it's Coca-Cola. It's obvious but not screaming obvious? Ahaha I can't explain it. Love the use of sounds.

Visa commercials can never go wrong (well in my opinion). This is the same format they did for Beijing, but using blue instead of Gold. Morgan Freeman and heartwarming story = perfect Olympics Visa commercial :)

This commercial makes me want to visit Canada for sure!

But there are also commercials that are bleh... like this one commercial with Lindsay Jakkobelis for a cold medicine I think. AT&T's commercial where this girl is snowboarding into space (I don't see the connection much with AT&T even if the visuals+sounds were good) and this commercial with Apollo Ohno, uhm I can't remember if it was a bath product or some medicine - basically he opened his pjs I think to reveal his skating uniform.

dance dance dance

2010-02-13T23:47:00.000-08:00

From the Youtube description:

Fusion X 2009.

choreographed by Keone Madrid and Mariel Martin

Dancers:
Keone Madrid(choreo cookies)
Mariel Martin(choreo cookies)
Emmett Agapay(choreo cookies)
Kristen Aguinaldo(choreo cookies)
Ross Veerkamp(choreo cookies)
Dea Sevilla(choreo cookies)
Lindsey Blackmon(choreo cookies)
Fabian Tucker(choreo cookies)
Nicole Aguas(choreo cookies)
Kei Tsukamoto(220)
VInh Nguyen(SGBM)
Will Ortega(SGBM)
Cye Bongalos(Future Shock SD)
Motohiro Oguri(S**t Kingz Japan)
Shoji Mochida(S**t Kingz Japan)
Shota Masuda(S**t Kingz Japan)
Kazuki Hamamoto(S**t Kingz Japan)

Song List:
Apes and Androids- Golden Prize
Lykke Li- Little Bit
Sam Sparro- Black and Gold
Adele- Crazy for you
Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Maps

------------------------
(Favorite songs on caps keke so I'm happy it was part of the song list. It's very different, not your usual HipHop performance)

2010-01-24T16:56:00.000-08:00

I am going to try a new piece for piano. Taeyang's Wedding Dress. Pretty ambitious huh? At least I'm happy to find out that there are no sharps/flats! Just a lot of notes hay hay hay. But I hope I can do this... My dad uses the Roland and with the Yamaha he bought, they're placed in these tall stands, ones you use if you're in a band. Well bec. he's playing with some pinoy friends and they practice every week. So yeh, I'm going to struggle with this arrangement.

I got sheets from this site I follow. And this is how it's played while following her sheets.

She's a genius. She's younger than me but she already did all these covers and transcribed some of the sheets in her site herself. She also sings.

Ah I really wish I can convince my mom to buy a digital piano, even a second hand one.

Here's the original Wedding Dress by Taeyang.

JYP Sisters dancing kapow!

2010-01-21T21:19:00.000-08:00

So they're the Wonder Girls of China (under same management too). First time I saw a video of them (although they're not complete).

Dancing to Boom Boom Pow! Kaboom! Love it, love love love the dance, Jia's hairstyle and Fei Fei's moves. And of course, those white super hi tops!!! ACK! I WANT THOSE!

Lyn Covers 2PM

2010-01-15T14:32:00.000-08:00

I've only read about Lyn before but I've never seen her performances or heard her songs. A recent article in AllKPop however caught my attention. Lyn, one of Korea's popular vocalists, did an acoustic cover of 2PM's Heartbeat and Again&Again, Shinee's Ring Ding Dong and 2Ne1's I Don't Care. It was for a the show Yoo Hee Yeol’s Sketchbook.

Daebak! Bias (for 2PM babies) aside, I think Heartbeat/Again&Again was the best of the three bec. it gives a totally different feel to the dance hits. The originals are more angsty while the cover gave off a sadder, more soulful vibe. I Don't Care was good too however there's already a slower, reggae version of the song so it's not totally new. As for Ring Ding Dong, hmm, as much as the arrangement is creative and the voices sound well, I prefer it fast for dancing hehe.

Heartbeat by 2PM.

Again and Again by 2PM (with the leader, Jaebum)

Lyn and co. covering 2PM

My Radii got away

2010-01-12T21:08:00.000-08:00

This blog is starting to become more and more focused on kpop! Ohnoes! haha... But the thing is, I don't pay attention to anything else besides Kpop and variety shows!

There's not much to do when I'm not working. Scrap that, actually there are things to fix and organize but every after overnight shift, it's like you're just waiting for the next time to come in and labor with the mannequins and the walls. I don't mind, I really am enjoying my work! I might bring a camera tomorrow so I can take pictures of the tables/mannequins I did (but I can't share here). Just so I can start building my portfolio too.

For example, I can continue researching on Korea. Or fix my bank statements. I keep pushing it to another day.

I feel blah.

Anyway I don't want to end up this blog post without sharing anything.

I found the shoes I fell in love with. The silver hi tops Junho was wearing in one picture, the love was instantaneous! So the other night I keep looking at sites for white/gold/silver hi tops. And then this brand of shoes, suddenly I realized it was familiar! The shape and the style was very similar and even the colors to the Junho Shoes! And after researching more, by looking closely to other pictures when my 2PM babies were wearing the silver shoes, I saw that the brand was Radii! It was the same brand! And then I checked the whole product line and saw the shoe!!! Oh bliss! And then it was time for me to check for my size...

And everything turned into despair :(

I needed a size 6, US Men. I was willing to buy a bigger pair, thinking I could just share with my younger brother. But there's no 7 even. :(

Haaaaay... I already found it yet I can't have it!

Oh well. Maybe next time!

hello 2010

2010-01-09T22:39:00.000-08:00

Be good pls! It's my year, year of the tiger! I look forward to good things! keke

Just like that famous mix of DJ Earworm 2009 pop that has been going around, well, these videos I will be posting are remixes of 2009 kpop favorites. All were made by DJ MASA. You can check out more of his mixes at http://www.masamixes.com/.

For the first part of the year 2009:

2nd Part of 2009

And his special Adios 2009 MashUp mix!

For tracklist of each video, just visit his site! :)

Bee

2009-12-14T22:57:00.000-08:00

is the name of the mannequin I dressed up this morning. It's my first time! I was so nervous of picking the wrong items and breaking the mannequin. But it went well! The visuals were really helpful.

Looks like I'm going to enjoy my stint as visual assistant! Even if I have to wake up early now.

------------------------------

I haven't updated my blog for a looooong time. So December has come, I'm finally 23. But another thing important about December (and no, I'm not talking about Christmas and presents haha) is the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Before I would always do lengthy blog posts of the show in my other (older) blog. But well, to be honest, I wasn't wowed by this year's production. I loved that Black Eyed Peas performed and the light background used for their first number but the pieces and the balloon wings for that neon/space age concept - didn't like it at all! But yey BEP performed Meet Me Halfway! But yeh it felt like they had a budget cut. Even the music, I'm usually a fan of the mix, but hmmm... I don't know, I expect too much.

The segment that I did love is the Enchanted Forest.

Here's the video.

I love Miranda Kerr's Wings! And Candice's too! Plus the fact that Caroline Trentini, who's one of my favorite models, got to wear wings even if it's her first time to walk (last one)! And that Tatiana girl is lovely (one before Caroline).

I miss Karolina Kurkova and ADRIANA LIMA! Those faces, those walks, those legs --- 2006 Come Fly With Me Segment is still my most favorite show segment :) Can't find a good video of it to share here (there's one but embedding's disabled).

Female Korean Rappers - MAMA2009

2009-11-25T22:11:00.001-08:00

So part of big award ceremonies are the grand productions for the performances of the artists. It's my first time watching a Korean Music Award show but I already know (from my bestfriends and observation) that they can really put a super grandiose stage for fans.

The Mnet Asian Music Awards (MAMA for short) was held just last week. It was formerly the Mnet Korean Music Festival(MKMF). Don't know why they decided to change the format of their year-end production and with the boycott from SME artists, a lot of people thought this show would be a failure.

Well, okay, yeh we were missing some artists but WOW...just wow! The productions are amazing! From the collaboration of BEG and Kara to G Dragon/Taeyang's performance... superb performances! But my favorite (and I was completely blown away) was the number from the girl rappers! It was insane! To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of rap and besides that fact, I don't understand Korean(Hanggul). But what the hell, it didn't matter! These girls were fierce!!!

By order of apperance (during the live performance), Miryo of Brown Eyed Girls (BEG), Baby-J of Jewelry, Ji Yoon and Hyun-a (4-Minute) and last but definitely not the least, T (or Tasha).

I loved Miryo especially the gestures she made with her hands. And the loooong legs and the hair! Ji-yoon's jumpsuit and hair were fierce! As always, I'm super jealous of Baby-J's figure... but, well, T... it's my first time watching her and WOW, AMAZING! No wonder she could bring the other artists to stand up! Ibang klase! I love how her voice is lower than the rest of the girls. She owned that performance. She commanded that stage. She's the "senior" of the other girls, she knows her art. Plus, she's really pretty :) I love her skin color.

So this is the video. They performed Lip Gloss and Pay Day.

Blood Pressure

2009-11-24T02:20:00.000-08:00

The question is...

Should I change and respond accordingly to what the current demands are...

Or should I carve my own destiny amongst the many people who choose the practical and comfortable life?

It's not that I'm rebelling. I have dreams and they're very specific. I know how a lot of people would say go fight and run towards your ambitions. But I know some would say be smart, be practical and you'll get ahead.

To me, as both have their rewards, both also have their downers. You could be rewarded financially with the practical job but emotionally and personally, you're not fullfilled. You have the money but you really don't have the time to enjoy. Or maybe you do... you could save up for that very expensive bag or that Euro trip you badly wanted since you were a teenager... but your job - makes you lonely.

Or, you could have chased your dream, you could say that you are enjoying your life, but then there are some things you can't do/taste/experience bec. you don't have the money.

What weighs more?

Also, there is the question of the purpose of obstacles. It can be interpreted in many ways but to me before, if it gets harder, maybe He doesn't want to give it to you and that was not the destiny meant for you.

But tonight, after thinking too much and pushing myself to have that sense of optimism, I remembered something I read in the bible that if you want it that badly, even if it's for you already, you have to show it. He will make you work hard for it. So maybe, the obstacles right now are not "wrong way" signs... maybe, these obstacles are the tests to prove how much I want "this" (this being the entirety of my dreams).

I'm not giving up. I may have taken a shot of hope right now, but I'm not going to lie, I'm having a hard time. It's very difficult financially, mentally, emotionally... It's draining, I can't sleep well.

And this day... BAD.

Hopefully, the coming days would give me new opportunities.

RIP Daul Kim

2009-11-19T21:44:00.001-08:00

First, there was Mr. Johnny Delgado, a premiere icon of Philippine Cinema. He fought against cancer. I just recently found out he's actually the husband of Laurice Guillen (actress/director).

Now, it's Kim Daul.

...

I couldn't believe the tweet I got from OmonaTheyDidn't and AllKPop. Was this the Daul Kim of fashion? The one whose pictures I've been praising a few days ago?

Kim Daul is one of my favorites, primarily bec. she's Asian. I always get excited when I see Asian models walk the runway or pose for high fashion shoots. Her, Han Jin, Du Juan, Emma Pei, Tao Okamoto... I am so proud of them.

Why? I do hope it's not another cause of model suicide. But it was written in the articles that suicide was suspected. She was found dead in her Paris apartment.

I just found her blogspot tonight. I thought, if I could read a few of her thoughts, it would somehow give me a fragment to understand why she'd want to end her life. It's amusing how she always starts her titles with "say hi to..."

But there are some entries that don't begin with "say hi to". The title of this one entry is just a "."

-what i do is not a bad occupation
someone is always willing to pay.

+i would find it

tiring.

-oh no , its quite ________,
almost peaceful

no need to believe in either side

or any side

there is no courage.

theres only yourself.

the belief is your own precision

---- (I Like To Fork Myself)

Oh Daul... I hope you're at peace now.

*****************

Kim Daul ( Korean, May 31, 1989 - Nov. 19, 2009)

Dolce & Gabbana Ready-to-Wear Spring 2009

Rodarte Ready-to-Wear Fall 2009

Erin Wasson Ready-to-Wear Spring 2010

Korea Allure, May 2008

Korea Vogue, October 2008

Vogue Nippon, September 2009

Credits:

Make Love

2009-11-15T21:17:00.001-08:00

by Big Bang.

How weird that I have not heard this song today or yesterday but it kept playing in my head when I parked my car after driving home from work. And then again when I was in bed resting. I couldn't even figure out right away what the song was or who sang it... just an image.

After nap I realized. :)

Mei li and Taeyang sitting on a tree... HAHAHAHA. I love Daesung's voice here, it sticks out when it plays in my mind radio waves keke.

Quite confusing how to classify this. It's jpop sung by kpop artists with english lyrics. HAHAHA. Love love.

"forever be my girl"

Jojo In The Stars

2009-11-11T19:14:00.000-08:00

My post Halloween treat. :)

-----------------------------

Dir. Marc Craste / UK / 2004

In a bleak and desolate world, a small creature seeks out the woman of his dreams: a high-flying circus performer with a cruel and possessive ringmaster.

Winner Best Animation at the 2004 Clermont-Ferrand International Film Festival.

Winner BAFTA for best animated short 2004

- futureshorts @ youtube

For more information, go to STUDIOaka (producer)

the halloween costume

2009-11-01T21:23:00.000-08:00

I originally didn't want to spend much for my halloween costume (I'm still thinking of my trip for next year). I could have just used my pirate/gypsy costume from my senior photo. Eventually, after talking to Veronica, a co-worker who also listens to kpop, I suddenly got the idea of dressing up as a soldier inspired by SNSD's Genie. Veronica wanted to do it so I had to ask first if she was going to continue with the idea. But eventually she gave me the go so :) Yey, soldier girl.

I really wanted the white officer military costume of SNSD (Genie). Reminds me of my lolo too. But, it's impossible for me to find a costume which is exact to the original in just three weeks (even less). So I kept looking at their other videos and found this.

The costumes they used here were easier to find! So, I decided to be Yoona, the girl at the beginning with the grey military vest and blue garrison cap! Although I wanted Jessica's too with the oversized army shirt and red garrison cap.

Almost all pieces were from Forever21 - the grey denim zippered vest, the blue and white striped button down shirt (didn't want to wear sleeveless that night, it's cold in the store) and the pair of white shorts which I found at clearance! I have my own black tights (bec. if we're wearing short shorts, we have to cover our legs, it's store policy), and my black boots (bec. I won't survive working, walking from one side of the store to the next carrying clothes while wearing pumps haha).

The trickier part of the outfit was the garrison cap! I had to research and inquire about the caps and patches at ebay. I didn't want to buy the usual "captain's/officer's hat". Eventually, after a few nights of searching, I found the least expensive cap, the most appropriate patch (that would fit the cap) and a pin to accesorize. Also bought white ribbon from Michael's for the lining. Yes, I've decided to be girl from the air force.

The garrison cap project :p

2nd picture, top right, is a patch of the US Air Forces during ww2 and the third is a pilot wings pin. :)

Here's the final look.

I loved dancing to Genie while wearing my costume. HAHAHA. Sowaeneul Malhaebwa!

Toe Shoes

2009-10-30T21:46:00.001-07:00

I was going through the older posts of people I follow in Tumblr when I came across this picture. Reminds me how I never reached the level of dancing with Toe Shoes and now, I'm still bitter. But the story behind it is more memorable.

I was already part of the leader line, the very first row of young ballerinas in a class. I did my very best to reach that line. Everytime Ms. Nanaz, the main instructor of the school and the owner, would teach our class, I would exaggerate my moves even more so that she would notice. I was successful. I'm one of the leaders.

One afternoon, there was a sudden evaluation for girls who can go on to the next level - toe shoes! I was super excited. But while Ms. Nanaz was observing us dancing, she was approaching a few girls who were considered best in the class. I figured, from eavesdropping, that one has to be 8 years old to dance Toe Shoes. When Ms. Effie came to me, I told her I was eight.

I lied.

I was just 7 at that time. I thought well it was only a few months more, maybe 3, til I became 8. So I was ushered to the waiting room bec. toe shoes people would be starting that afternoon together with the "seniors". Finally, I was joining the big girls, the ones who danced more gracefully and had more difficult classes.

But my mom saw what happened. She was surprised that she had to wait another hour for me to finish. So she asked the instructors what was going on.

I'm busted.

:( Oh well. Maybe they thought I was just a kid being naughty and playful, who couldn't wait to be 8. But it was embarassing.

But come to think of it... I was 7 and I was more aggresive when it comes to getting what I want. Where is that drive now? Lying to get what I want? That's not even a choice anymore. It's a no-no. Do I miss the ambitous little girl? Maybe. Maybe I need a little of the 7 year old Czarina. Minus the lying of course.

----------

(picture from cava)

the sunday lady

2009-10-27T23:48:00.000-07:00

Every sunday morning, I see this old lady walk in Forever 21 (where I work) and would do maybe 2-3 walks around the store before going into the mall. Maybe even more laps or go-arounds. One morning, as part of my "job descripton" and bec. of the new manager, I walked up to her and asked her if she needed any help. I was quite alarmed when she stopped just a few inches from me. Personal space alert! But I had to remain calm and kept smiling.

She started to talk about her morning behavior of walking for exercise. I forgot if she starts at 10 or 11. And then she would walk about 2 hours around the mall. When she asked me to guess her age, I politely answered 68. Well, I was 10 years short. 78 and still strong, it was very impressive. So she told me that's what she do to keep strong most especially that she lived alone and had been widowed since the 70s. And then she continued how she would look at the items she wanted and would even tell other customers how Sears offered the same product but our price is lower (free advertising and sales talk hehe).

During this time, she would still lean forward making my personal space inexistent and would even touch me at the arm.

In the end, instead of the annoyance at the old lady, I was actually inspired. She has been living alone since the 70s. A lot of people wouldn't want to reach that age. Some would want to die at their 60s for they don't want to experience being sickly, alone and being dependent. But here was the sunday lady, 78, still going strong, trying her best to live. :)

Son Dam Bi - Saturday Night

2009-10-25T16:40:00.000-07:00

Is the new dance I'm learning. I'm done with intro and first chorus. This video however cuts the chorus after the intro and starts at first verse right away.

On tuesday, first verse. :)

This song is very 80s. I don't necessarily love the song. I just find the shoulder dance for chorus very cute hehe.

Loren

2009-10-23T00:44:00.000-07:00

I actually dislike Loren Legarda. I don't know why... I guess it's those rumors about her before (which I won't elaborate on anymore). And now that I heard Chiz chose her as his running mate, I felt disappointed (bec. I really like Chiz Escudero). But then, Tin Tin Babao, through her twitter, reminded me of Loren's Luntiang Pilipinas. And for that I think I've accepted her. If she can truly fight for the environment, then win.

sorry multiply and quote journal

2009-10-13T00:40:00.001-07:00

For I've neglected you for soooo long. I haven't updated my reviews page on multiply (and I don't think I will be updating it anytime soon) and I haven't written a new quote in my journal. Sorry for being lazy.

Hallyu wave has taken over my existence. It's just kpop every night. I don't even watch Gossip Girl nor Mad Men anymore! Project Runway or ANTM don't interest me too!

OH.WELL.

--------------

I've been thinking about that white/cream pleather jacket (Forever21). Let's see if I can survive this til November. Bills, bills, bills.

I really want the job Lord. Pls give it to me. :(

break it

2009-10-09T23:19:00.000-07:00

I'm a huge fan of dance. But breakdancing/bboying is one of those few dances that I never really appreciated. I get amazed with the moves and the stunts but bec. I don't find the choreography and showmanship that I see say in ballet recitals or in contemporary dances in SYTYCD, I never really developed any love for it. It's like in cheerdancing, I appreciate the dance parts more than the acrobatics.

However, bec. of watching Hot Blood, I have been introduced to Korean bboying and the beats that they use. I was surprised with the kind of music they would use. At first I thought it would just be raps and scratching but throughout the episode that I've watched wherein the JYP trainees had to learn some bboy moves, the music was very much inspired by 70s soul and disco. I fell in love with the music right away! So I did some research and discovered most breakbeats come from the 70s/80s era. So cool! James Brown, Jackson 5, Chaka Khan and more!

Next fascination sprung from realizing that Korean culture (South Korea at least) is way more westernized than I originally thought. Like when The Phil. All Stars won during a world hiphop competition, who would have thought that would ever happen! Same with Korea, you never really get it until you see it for yourself! I've seen the videos and I've found a new appreciation for bboying. :)

Maybe I'm just biased bec. it's from Korea that's why I'm loving it. Still, I'm amazed. :)

Here's the vid I saw that really made me appreciate breakbeats and breakdancing.

Korean crews, Gamblers and Drifterz battle it out 2004. Much respect. :)

(kinda reminds me of that time I saw bboys near Bex Bar when I was still in Macau...pretty cool)

What's Going On

2009-10-04T21:38:00.000-07:00

Until now I can't take in completely the destruction that Ondoy (typhoon Ketsana) brought to my country.

And there's the earthquake/tsunami in Samoa, two earthquakes in Indonesia and one in an unpopulated(fortunately) area in Moro Mindanao.

Pepeng, the supertyphoon that came after Ondoy, has not completely left the area yet bec. of this other typhoon in the western side, Melor.

What's up world??

Used Vs Loved

2009-09-29T01:01:00.000-07:00

From an email I got from my tito.

------------------------------

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw his father......with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?' The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times. Devastated by his own actions.......sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.

The next day that man committed suicide. . . Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life.....

Things are to be used and people are to be loved, But the problem in today's world is that, People are used and things are loved...

back from the grave

2009-09-23T21:32:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've neglected my blogspot for a loooong time. Well, I've been really absorbed into this drama surrounding JYPE and Jaebum's departure from 2PM. Forgive me, I'm a fangirl.

I originally wanted to share videos of 2PM here but it kind of stings so I'm going to postpone sharing their performances in this blog. Until this fiasco is resolved, I can't bear to pour my heart out in this blog.

So...instead, since it's almost December (what am I saying, it's not even October), I will just put here the list of goodies I want for Christmas/birthday.

1. Another external hard drive! But I don't know whether to buy it here or ask Chrissy instead when my dad flies to Philippines. I need one, doesn't need to have the automatic back-up program like my current WD/Memeo 250gb drive. It's just really for storage of media files.
2. Doc Martens, white pair, will I be able to buy you?
3. Another black pair of boots. The pair I bought last March is showing signs of trauma haha. Can't wear it anymore although I loved how soft the boots were. Overuse.

Minor items which aren't really urgent

4. A white coat, I don't know what's the material called.
5. Caramel colored leather jacket.

Now let's go to food. These are what I've been craving for the past few days.

1. Carl's JR burger.
2. Korean barbecue.
3. Pork Adobo
4. Siomai
5. Choco Dome Cake from Starbucks (is that local for Philippines?)
6. SISIG

foodfoodfoodfoodfood.

I also need to find a mirrored, slower version of a dance vid I want to memorize. Son DamBi's SAturday Night.

Kpop/drama Mania 3: the music stylings of SNSD

2009-08-28T01:07:00.000-07:00

Also known as Girls' Generation.

I just crossed upon the video of GEE in youtube and from then on, I told myself, I'm going to memorize this dance! The song's very catchy! Sucks I can't understand it haha. But I've memorized until the 2nd chorus! It's my exercise everyday... It's a nice feeling to sweat bec. of something you're enjoying.

Here's the video of Gee!

They're just 19,20 years old! There's even an 18 year old girl! And thoooose legs! But I checked their height, same as mine! I could be taller than the others actually. Booo I'm jealous. Must. Exercise. Want to get my long-leggedness back.

My next project after Gee is Genie :)

Kpop/drama Mania 2: BOF cast outside BOF

2009-08-25T10:34:00.000-07:00

So I got attached to the characters of BOF. And from then on my fangirling phase started. I was doing research on their other projects and life.

I already mentioned that Kim Joon who plays Woobin is part of the band T-Max. But he isn't only the one who's originally a member of a boyband. Kim Hyun Joong who plays the honorary firefighter of Jandi, Ji hoo, and is the rival of Jun Pyo for Jandi's love, is the leader of the famous band SS501. The band is actually responsible for some of the songs included in the ost of the series.

But okay, so he's a boyband member... But I never really appreciated his popularity/charisma/talent til I saw his video of him performing his solo from his band's mini album entitled "Pls. Be Nice To Me." Check it out.

So after seeing this, I'm convinced. I now get the reason why he's favorite. He's already popular way before BOF. And he does have the voice and the moves! I am not a fan of his character in the series but I'm a fan of Hyun Joong. :) They say he's weird though, a bit 4d (whatever that means...maybe similar to strange and comes from another dimension). And when I watched his interviews, haha, he IS strange. I mean he talks in a low voice and like he's zoning out but he always comes up with the weirdest things that will make you laugh!

Kim Bum on the other hand, who plays Yi Jung, the F4's casanova, is the youngest of the actors but has a lot of experience in acting. I think he's most famous thought for his super cute smile! He was actually the one I had a crush on first :) (before Lee Min Ho) The next is a video of this awards show in the year 2007 where the nominated girl bands (for new girl band group) go to dance battle in front of the super cute Kim Bum (who was presenter of the award). First girl is from the band Kara, 2nd is from Wonder Girls (nobody, nobody butchu!), Black Pearl and last, my favorite is from SNSD (Girls' Generation). I think the last girl owned them! Hehe.

Another song which I love is from the F4 special edition in which included songs they recorded solo for their after stories. My favorite would be Kim Joon's (who played Woobin and is rapper of the band T-Max). Here it is. Empty Bet feat. Kim Jo Han.

And last but definitely NOT LEAST is LEE MIN HO!!! Demand for him skyrocketed bec. of his role in the series. Got plenty of commercials in his resume, lots of magazine shoots and covers. But he's not just a pretty face. He actually has some series and movies in his past works already. He also sings. But the most favorite video of him I saw is his Dunkin Donut commercial... just pure gorgeousness! How can eating a donut be not messy but sexy?!?! Ask Lee Min Ho to do that! This ad - heart attack!

But of course, what I love most is the MinSun pairing! It's good that there are more fanatics out there who create these videos for my enjoyment hahaha! I wish they date in real life! So cute! Or at least work together in another series/movie in the future. :)

Kpop/drama Mania 1: Boys Over Flowers

2009-08-24T22:38:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to post here the things I'm currently addicted to instead. I'm afraid to spam my friends' facebook pages. :)

So, I finally finished BOF - Boys Over Flowers. How did I start watching it in the first place?

I came across the ost of the Meteor Garden series (showed 2003 in the Philippines) when I was checking out my tumblr and had this feeling of missing the "kilig" while watching the taiwanese drama. It was based on the Hana Yori Dango manga. Japan has its own drama version (and an anime version) of the manga, I just don't know who made the first adaptation.

I was originally not a fan of the series bec. I wasn't in the country when it first aired. I was on vacation here in the US. When I got back for my first year in college, I didn't understand the fuzz about this Meteor Garden and the F4 boys that girls go crazy about. I lived in a dorm during my first semester of freshman year. 5:30pm, you'll here the sudden rush of footsteps and the banging of doors, all running to the dining/common room to watch the 30min. drama. I was still indifferent until one day I got sick and had to go home early. Too tired to study or to do anything, I instead went down with the rest of girls to give the drama a try. From that afternoon, I was a fan. :)

So anyway, I wanted to rewatch the whole thing but my friend AC told me to watch Boys Over Flowers instead. It's the most recent adaptation from Korea. It just aired this year, January I think in Korea, summer months probably in the Philippines. So yeh I gave it a try and it's true, it's way better! Hotter boys and funnier scenes! Also, I cried in this series a lot! I got attached that much. My bestfriend Chrissy says that the Korean version somehow picked up the good parts of both the Taiwanese (MG) and Japanese (HYD) versions.

I was addicted. And I even transferred some of the addictions to a few friends haha. And they're super happy too!

So what's the story? Dramawiki's synopsis:

Jan Di is an average girl whose family owns a dry cleaning store located near the luxurious and well known Shin Hwa College. Jan Di meets the four richest and most spoiled boys known as the F4. After saving a boy from jumping off the roof of Shinhwa High School, she is admitted into the school on a swimming scholarship. Jan Di tries to avoid confrontation with the F4 at all cost because she knows what happens to those that stand against them. However, when Jan Di's friend, Oh Min Ji, accidentally gets ice cream on the leader of the F4's shoes, she's forced to declare war on the leader of the F4, Goo Joon Pyo.

Here's the official trailer (raw) from KBS:

AHHHHHH!!!

----------------

BTW, Meteor Garden I was Team Dao Ming Zhu... and since I'm loyal and even more convinced bec. of the acting of Lee Min Ho, I'm team GOO JUN PYO (same character as Dao Ming Zhu).

I loooooove the ost. The songs used gave such impact to the scenes that when I hear this specific song, I could replay the scenes that were showing with that music as background.

My top two favorites would be Fight The Bad Feeling of Tmax and Yearning Heart by A'st1.

I love this song but it also gives me some bad vibes bec. I would remember Jae Kyung and how she created this big problem for Jun Pyo and Jandi. And I remember the shoes that she kept :p I'm a very jealous person so I'm jealous for Jandi. Haha. But I really love the toot toot, pap pap part haha. The band who sings this, Tmax, the rapper of the trio is the actor who plays Woo Bin, the one in red sweater in the poster. Anyway, the video features my favorite couples, JanDi+JoonPyo (Joondi) and GaEul+YiJung(Seoul). Come to think of it, the two guys that I consider my show crush(es) are Lee Min Ho (JunPyo) and Kim Bum's adorable smile haha(Yi Jung).

The song's actually about parting/breaking up but it's best not to focus on the message haha just the tune bec. it'll make me sad again.

The second one is Yearning of the Heart.

The best memory for me of this song is the time JunPyo was enjoying every moment of JanDi working as his personal maid. Those were super funny/kilig scenes.

Actually I got so depressed when I finished the series. :( I'm still rewatching some scenes and even looking for bloopers and shows related. :)

FIGHTING!

home

2009-08-15T00:21:00.000-07:00

What is it?

I go to google, type define: home and these are some of the results.

# where you live at a particular time; "deliver the package to my home"; "he doesn't have a home to go to"; "your place or mine?"
# dwelling: housing that someone is living in; "he built a modest dwelling near the pond"; "they raise money to provide homes for the homeless"
# the country or state or city where you live; "Canadian tariffs enabled United States lumber companies to raise prices at home"; "his home is New Jersey"
# home plate: (baseball) base consisting of a rubber slab where the batter stands; it must be touched by a base runner in order to score; "he ruled that the runner failed to touch home"
# base: the place where you are stationed and from which missions start and end
# place where something began and flourished; "the United States is the home of basketball"
# at or to or in the direction of one's home or family; "He stays home on weekends"; "after the game the children brought friends home for supper"; "I'll be home tomorrow"; "came riding home in style"; "I hope you will come home for Christmas"; "I'll take her home"; "don't forget to write home"
# an environment offering affection and security; "home is where the heart is"; "he grew up in a good Christian home"; "there's no place like home"

I think the last one would be closest. My original home is the one in Fern Street, our house in Quezon City. But I would say that the town where both my parents grew up is also home. Ateneo is home. Macau is HOME. This place right now, where I'm staying, I'm not sure I can call it home.

I went to Union City today, the "hq" of pinoys here in Cali (aside from Daly City). When you look at the streets, or at the other cars, Pinoy land talaga. Parang wala ako sa Amerika. I should feel somehow at home here right? NOT. I still feel so alienated, disconnected.

Different from my experience in Macau. I enjoyed the fact that there were a lot of Filipinos there. Most would be in Senado Square during weekends, probably enjoying their days off from work. The friends we met, the nights we partied, the lessons in culture and life in general that we learned... having the Filipino workers there elevated the experience for me. I seriously call Macau a home.

And here... it's just blah. I just can't find a secret hiding place where I can nourish my heart and grow and feel love for the place. A year after, I still feel disconnected from everything. I don't know what place to take.

But when I say I wanna go home, I sometimes get confused to what home I'm referring to. I have my friends there in Manila and for sure that will make me at home. But then things would be different already.

I don't know what's worse. Not feeling at home or not knowing where home is anymore.

I want to go home.

2009-08-06T23:48:00.000-07:00

So why do I even let myself be affected for not getting a position that I don't even really want? I just want an assurance, something that would prove that I'm good, I'm qualified, I'm doing a great job... And because even if something is not my favorite, I still give it a hundred plus percent. I may not like it, but I still get the work done.

And unfortunately, I had to be transferred to this one quad that I was hoping not to be in.

Oh how the stars have aligned.

At least I'm with a few people I could trust. I just hope I will still manage to smile by Aug. 16.

--------------

Change topic. I get totally irritated with people who break laws/rules. Especially when these rules are meant to protect your life and of the people around you. If it says you can't drive without a license, without a guardian, YOU CAN'T. Well you could but you're a muthafucker mole that I would squeeze til you scream in pain if I ever see you. But I'll do that just in my head. JUST DON'T ever face me because I may just snap at you.

You people are the cause of society's downfall! Since you guys probably think that you can just get away from it, I hope one day you'll have an encounter with the police to teach you.

I have no patience for people like you. You're not special, you have to abide by them. Kung ganyan ka pinalaki ng mga magulang mo, EEEEW. Wala kang pinagkaiba sa mga kinaiinisan niyong chola chola na kung makadrive ay kala mo reyna ng lansangan. Pare-pareho lang kayo. It truly disgusts me. Idadamay niyo pa kapatid ko sa kalokohan ninyo! (Tong isa naman to, kunsintidor...)

I can not even put my thoughts into coherent sentences anymore. I'm just really pissed. Maybe I should live in Sweden instead.

Dear Lord, my hormones are attacking again. Highblood go away.

homesick

2009-08-04T01:29:00.001-07:00

by Kings of Convenience

Homesick - Kings Of Convenience

I'll lose some sales and my boss won't be happy,
but I can't stop listening to the sound
of two soft voices
blended in perfection
from the reels of this record that I've found.

Every day there's a boy in the mirror asking me...
What are you doing here?
Finding all my previous motives
growing increasingly unclear.

I've traveled far and I've burned all the bridges
I believed as soon as I hit land
all the other options held before me,
would wither in the light of my plan.

So I'll lose some sales and my boss won't be happy,
but there's only one thing on my mind
searching boxes underneath the counter,
on a chance that on a tape I'd find...
a song for someone who needs somewhere to long for.

Homesick.
Because I no longer know where home is.

the sacrifice

2009-07-23T10:36:00.001-07:00

I've realized that in the many books and movies I've encountered, in the end, there always has to be this sacrifice to save humanity.

In Harry Potter, he realizes in the end, as the last horcrux, he has to sacrifice himself to kill the dark lord. In Lord of the Rings, Frodo understands he had to be the one to carry the load and responsibility of being the ringbearer and destroy it even if it means it could destroy him. Constantine was given a ticket to heaven when he sacrificed his own life to save the twin of Angela. Armageddon, the father sacrificing his life for his daughter's love. In PAn's Labyrinth, the last test made the little girl sacrifice her life in the end to save the life of the innocent. And by succeeding in this final test, she was able to return to her kingdom and was reunited with her father.

These are just some of works that include the theme of sacrifice. I wonder, is it because the sacrifice gives that drama and impact to move the audience? Is it the ingredient that would make a story interesting? Or is it because we humans recognize that it is truly the greatest form of love and that writers only translate this reality into the medium they use. I do hope that it's the last reason. The sacrifice is too big and important to just reduce it to a film's component.

The greatest form of sacrifice is that which saved us all. Jesus.

All of us are called to sacrifice. It doesn't mean we should be shot at Bagumbayan like Jose Rizal or be burned at the stake like Joan of Arc. Small sacrifices. Putting the good of your brothers and sisters before you or sacrificing a part of your time to volunteer. Selfless acts are more difficult to do but that is the challenge... to overcome the laziness, the fear and the doubt and extend our lives for a greater cause.

We are called to do something beyond ourselves. One day, I know, I will be called to sacrifice a great part of me. I am scared. But I will prepare myself. All for the greater glory of God.

HP Half Blood Prince Midnight Premiere

2009-07-16T00:03:00.000-07:00

No more midnight premieres for me unless it's reserved seating. It was freaking cold, I only had one thick cardigan. Na-uh. I don't want to get stressed about getting good seats. We were waiting on line for almost two hours! But I had a geeky moment. Out of the blue, I just said "Avada Kedavra" to the people in front of us (well they didn't hear it). Huhuhu bec. we're part of those "late" people.

But I really did enjoy the movie. There were these kids in my side (on my immediete right is the mother), they're probably highschool... and then when the lights dimmed and the trailers started, they shouted in unison GRYFFINDOR! Haha it was really funny especially when a group of girls in the lower level screamed RAVENCLAW in return. I was tempted to shout Slytherin hahaha. But yeh I'm for Ravenclaw although those highschool boys really made Gryffindor sound cool. And also, the whole theater sang in unison a happy birthday for someone Well I would have mentioned that was also my brother's birthday hehe but nah...

I can't wait for the 7th! I cried in this movie (which I didn't expect at all bec. I didn't when I read the book). Seeing actual images probably give more of an impact than just visualizing with your imagination. I'm seeing lots of tissues for the Deathly Hallows if that's the case bec. I cried a few times while reading the book.

Sectumsempra!

Rowling, another dark lord please? MORE!!!

another driving thought

2009-07-14T08:28:00.000-07:00

I couldn't sleep well last night! I was having bad palpitations again. For what reason I have no Idea. I don't recall drinking soda/tea. Maybe not eating a heavy dinner was the reason.

Oh well. I just came back from driving my brother to school. I hate waking up in the morning just to drive him bec. I couldn't sleep right away after... That's what happens everytime I drive. Maybe driving wakes up my senses!

A thought while driving back home. I don't understand how other people, when driving, risk that very short distance/time to make a turn. Why couldn't they just wait for clear before driving to turn? (I mean in occasions when there's no light) I don't think the risk's worth it. With business they say if you risk big, the returns could be bigger but at the same time there's also the chance of losing everything. But that's how business is! The risk takers and those who do good in strategies do really well and the safe players are well... just safe. But I can't say the same for driving! Unless someone's really late for work, why risk getting smashed by an incoming car? I find no valuable returns at all!

Please drivers, have more patience especially when you're in inner residential roads. There's just no point in putting your life and the other drivers' in harm's way just because you want everything fast.

Americans are really impatient. They'll probably have a heart attack if they experience Philippine traffic (and other transactions).

2009-07-09T02:27:00.000-07:00

It somehow bothers me that things that we wanted so bad before can change to things that don't really matter anymore.

I'm getting tired of not knowing what to do next. Of not being sure.

All I know is, I want to do something that matters.

the phoenix

2009-07-07T03:39:00.000-07:00

Just a thought: maybe the heart is like the idea of the phoenix. It dies many times. But you don't really bury it. It gets resurrected. Every time your heart breaks, it dies... you feel the pain that makes you want to puke your heart out... but then a few songs, a vacation, a prayer... even years of "living", your heart again will be resurrected.

It will probably die again. Someone will disappoint you...or someone won't be able to love you. A dream might be crushed. A belief shattered. But it's a divine gift that man can resurrect the heart at the right time.

It is ready to die tonight. Maybe, tomorrow, when I open my eyes, it is once again resurrected.

kasawa

2009-06-30T17:48:00.000-07:00

I am really starting to dislike work. There's this new assistant manager and I swear he annoys me. He always panics and acts as if the store is crumbling (and I'm a panic queen so for me to say this...). He has this overwhelming amount of energy but instead of inspiring us, it makes me exhausted.

If he gets to be manager, I will find a job somewhere if I could.

I have to wait another year to start my graduate studies apparently. Oh well. I guess I can deal with that. Maybe I can visit Pinas March or April.

Anyway, as I've said in my earlier post, I'm getting tired of too much clothes. Aside from the usual temptation, I dunno, I can puke already. Even this afternoon I was watching The Fashion Show on Bravo, I couldn't stand it. Before I would be excited watching design shows. Now it makes me dizzy.

Neda

2009-06-24T03:00:00.000-07:00

I think I haven't mentioned here in my blog that I do get tired of fashion. Well maybe not of fashion but of clothes. That's what happens to you when you work in a clothing store. Sure it tempts you to shop but also, if you see clothes and hangers everyday, makes you think if it's healthy for your brain to be dealing with clothes for the rest of your life.

Just too much. Too materialistic.

------------

Well, right now I can say I'm succeeding in trying to outrun the shopping monster :) I do want a lot of things from Forever 21 (working there is such a burden haha) but right now I have to focus on my education. Clothes can wait. Money's harder to acquire.

I will be opening a 2nd bank account this week for my education savings! If things work out, I will be studying Health Services Management, graduate degree, by next year. I'm excited.

------------

In other news, I wore a green baller band on my left wrist today and a ring and bracelet out of green ribbon I bought from Michael's on my right wrist. I may not be Iranian, but I support their fight for fairness and justice. I'm not pro-Ahmadinejad or pro-Mousavi. I'm not really taking any sides. I just want, like everybody else, the truth and the just.

And for Neda, I will pray for you. I told my friend, to be shot in the chest and not in the head is cruel. But in a way, it gave more power to her as being a symbol of the protest. Also, there's that moment, when the bullet hits you and you feel the pain, you start to bleed and you slowly lose consciousness, there's this experience of seeing the world fading and the sounds you hear are becoming more distant... and you try to hold on to that vision, of the last time you'd see Earth. It was painful and heartbreaking, but there was also something beautiful in that moment. And while the father and the strangers urge Neda to keep her eyes open and to not be afraid, there's that human quality that amazes me. In suffering, we could also show humanity. It is both a loss and a blessing. So let Neda's life not be put to waste.

it gets to be my burden

2009-06-17T04:27:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I feel like giving up on whatever it is we have, whatever relationship this is. For a relationship to work and even be fruitful, at least both parties should be willing to do his/her part. I feel like I'm the one who puts more effort and I get the feeling that maybe I'm the only one putting the kind of worth I percieve in this relationship. Does it have any more value for you?

I'm not just talking about one person here.

They say one should lower expectations so as not to be disappointed. But I don't think I can do that - it makes me lose hope for all possible friendships/romances out there if I'd settle for a belief that nothing really lasts that long and that strong to keep me bothered with it. It's like devaluing whatever memories there are in the past to just powerful moments but only moments in a person's life and these don't really define a relationship in a longer term....thing. That what we encounter everyday just happens that day, you get to keep the memory and that's just it. I don't think I can believe that.

Memories and moments could build foundations...strong ones for relationships. I'm holding on to them not just because they are beautiful memories but because they are evidence of a deeper relationship with other people. Some could lose tangible value... but some should survive. Strong enough to keep both lives intertwined and life is living with these other lives, not just a reality of knowing other people and getting on with life.

I admit I am getting tired. Makes me feel desperate at times, I hate it. But I can't also accept the fact of just letting it go. I think that will hurt even more eventually. I may keep chasing memories and trying to keep them strong, but I'd continue doing that as long as there's chance for the relationship to survive. I'd stop if you want it to be over - then I'd know that I should let go.

There will always be that temptation to just let go... but even before lifting just one finger, my mind panics and I grip even more. I can only hope that it will be better eventually. And all effort is not wasted. I am after all, resilient. I don't give up easily even if the pain is eating me everyday, just wishing, hoping that you'd remember. I'm keeping it half alive and I will give it my all until such day that I can't carry myself anymore. I will not easily succumb to defeat.

salon visit

2009-06-12T23:40:00.000-07:00

Was getting a haircut this afternoon. I asked this Vietnamese man who just washed my hair if compared to other customers, how my hair is in terms of thickness. I'm glad to hear that he thinks my hair is actually a bit more than medium. Very comforting.

And then he tells me I should'nt stress. If something bad happens, give time to it but then move on. That I should let it go. Be happy - the very words he said.

Wise words.

***

I'm not really impressed with how they cut hair in this salon, I even told myself I won't come back anymore but there I was... I don't know if it was laziness to try other salons or the comfortable feeling I get from the Asian establishment. I know Vietnamese is not Filipino but I do feel a bit of a homey feeling in that salon. Maybe that's why I came back. Bec in that salon, I don't feel alienated.

And I give them big tips too.

burn out

2009-06-12T03:36:00.000-07:00

I'm too tired from work but not in the physical exhaustion sense. More of, I've had enough of it. I don't know if it's the nature of work or just generally tired of working (and I don't think I'd prefer the 2nd... if I get tired at this point, what will happen to me in the future?). I love clothes, I love shopping and styling. But I've had too much of it already. TOO MUCH CLOTHES! I need to develop somehow. There's just really no chance for mental stimulation in what I do... it's forever hi, how can I help you, finding everything okay etc etc with a smile plastered on my face. Same shit. Again and again and again.

I just really need the job so I can save for school. Better doing this than still unemployed.

Para kay Krista

2009-06-09T02:07:00.000-07:00

The following entry is actually for Krista, THE roommate :) It will be in Tagalog or TagLish (combined tagalog and english).

-----

Sa kakaisip ko, kanina lalo habang nagsshower (Ano ba tagalog ng shower ha? haha di ko maisip. Di naman kasi ako naligo), na-realize ko na sana mas naging tulad mo ako noong panahon na masaya tayong nagpapaka-gago sa Macau. Panong tulad mo? Yung game lang... palaging asa party! Haha. Kung iisipin mo, maikli nga ang oras diba, tapos yun lang yung pagkakataon natin na makasama natin yung mga bagong kaibigan, lahat ng kasiyahan may taning... Kaya sana mas naging tulad mo ako. Mas maraming memorya...

Pero kasi talaga namang napagod rin ako sa kakalabas natin. At tiyaka ayun... sumpong ng gustong pagsasarili.

Alam kong kadalasang sinasabi na walang napapatunguhan ang pagsisi sa sarili pero ayun, parang ang dami kong na-miss sa hindi ko pagsipot sa ibang mga kaganapan.

At tiyaka pano kung hindi sana ako naging mahiyain diba? Tapos, dumating pa yung babae, wala namang nangyari. Sayang. Na naman. Haha (alala ko ikaw pa yung mas nainis nun at nasayangan e hahaha).

Sana, hindi rin ako umuwi agad. Sana sinulit ko talaga.

ANG DAMING SANA! Sana sana sana. Puro nalang sana.

Pasensya na, namiss ko ang roommate ko at ang mga kalokohan nating pagpunta sa Wave, pagkain ng ice cream sa gutter o ang inuman sa tapat ni Poseidon (haha Greek Mythology). Pati yung mga chikahan hanggang andyan na ang araw.

Ayun. Namiss kita. Namiss ko kayo. Namiss ko siya. Lahat kayo hirap na hagilapin.

Awmantase, tongyalo?

Random things from work

2009-06-07T20:15:00.000-07:00

A conversation I overheard at the break room.

boy: So what are you taking?

girl: Sociology.

boy: You're gonna be a psychiatrist?

*kaboom in my head*

Yes, a Sociology major can earn you a career in Psychiatry.

--------------------------

I was talking to one of the assistant managers when some kids who passed by told me something which I really didn't catch. They were also laughing so hard, it was adorable. When the assistant manager and I looked to where they pointed, we were surprised to see the man mannequin, not having his pants anymore. Naughty kids! Hehe. But they made the day lighter for me. Childhood is sweet.

--------------------------

There are a lot of times that I witness mothers helping their girls shop. I guess it's been a long time since my mom accompanied me while shopping and helping me with the zipper/buttons. It's that part of life when you're not really old enough to make your own decisions and buy your own clothes (haha hello mom's credit card) but not that young anymore to be buying in the Disney Store. You're already looking for clothes that make you more like a lady. In the fitting rooms, girls transform.

And so do boys. I was in the Men's Heritage fitting rooms this morning when a family walked in, a young boy carrying shirts, vests and even a fedora. As soon as the young boy walked out of the fitting room wearing button-up white long sleeves, I could see the heartwarming reaction in the face of the mother, who looked to the father and I could very well understand that they were moved by the moment. I even heard the mom say soltero, which is what some of my relatives would also use when reffering to a boy who's becoming more and more a man. Adolescence. Not the little child you follow around the house anymore who cries for getting cuts and bruises. And I could just see how the mom and father help the child fix the collar and the vest over the shirt... the moment was just very moving, I almost cried.

Bec. I also remember my brother, how everyday I see that he's not the "little brother" anymore that I would play and goof around with. Before I would buy him playstation games. Now I buy him shirts from the store I work in.

And that time I celebrated my 18th, when I walked down the steps in my periwinkle gown, and just that moment, my relatives told me my dad cried. I was experiencing that moment in another family.

Who would have thought that in the fitting rooms, I would experience a slice of life that is worth a thousand tears and smiles.

Bottle It Up

2009-06-01T22:52:00.000-07:00

There'll be girls across the nation
That will eat this up babe
I know that it's your soul but could you bottle it up and
Get down to the heart of it
No it's my heart
You're shit out of your luck
Don't make me tell you again my love (8x)

I am aiming to be somebody that somebody trusts
With her delicate soul
I don't claim to know much
Except soon as you start
To make room for the parts
That aren't you it gets harder to bloom in a garden of love (8x)

Only thing I ever could need, only one good thing
Worth trying to be and it's

Love (love)
Love (love)
Love (love)
Love (love)
I do it for Love (love)
Love (love)
Love (love)
Love,

We can understand the sentiment you're saying to us
Oh, but sensible sells so could you kindly shut up
And get started
At keeping your part of the bargain
Aw please little darlin'
You're killing me sweetly with love (8x)

Only thing I ever could need, only one good thing
Worth trying to be and it's

Love (love)
Love (love)
Love (love)
Love (love)
I do it for Love (love)
Love (love)
Love (love)
Love (love)

Started as a flicker meant to be a flame (flame)
Skin has gotten thicker, but it burns the same (same)
Still a baby in a cradle (cradle) got to take my first fall (fall)
Baby's getting next to nowhere with her back
Against the wall.
You meant to make me happy, make me sad (sad)
Want to make it better better so bad (bad)
Save your resolutions for your never new year
There is only one solution I can see here,

Love you're all I ever could need, only one good thing
Worth trying to be and it's
Love (love) (oh, only gonna get what you give away, so give love)
Love (love)
Love (love)
Love (love)
I do it for love (only gonna get what you give away)
Love (love)
Love (love)
Love (love)
(Love repeats in background)
(Oh) only gonna get get what you give away (so give love) (love)
(Oh) only gonna get get what you give away,
Love.

shopping boyfriends

2009-05-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

Part of my job in Forever 21 is manning the fitting room. There are a lot of instances that a girlfriend's shopping companion is the boyfriend (good job boyfriend for having the patience). So the girl tries on the clothes while the guy waits outside. And then the girl will open her door and show the attire to the boy. Everything's good until the girl asks the boy if he likes it. And that confuses me a bit. Especially when the top looks good on the girl but the boy seems to disagree. And usually the case, it's the guys who ask the help of the girl (which I have done a lot of times when taking care of the men's area).

In a way, I appreciate how girls think it's important to know what their partners' opinion are for such stuff like clothes. I'm a girl who loves my freedom in my preferences so I will wear whatever I want to wear. It's good to hear what my boyfriend (if I have one) thinks about what I wear and if he has a valid point, I will consider what he says. But I feel that a girl can dress for herself and not for the boyfriend.

Unless of course, the boy thinks it's his responsibility to stop the skanky attires of his girlfriend. Then by all means boy, control how your girlfriend dresses herself up else this happens to you.

Ugg. GHASTLY.

Smash of Style

2009-05-19T14:24:00.001-07:00

Photographer : Craig McDeanModels : Magdalena Frackowiak, Eniko Mihalik, Jourdan Dunn, Evelina Mambetova, Suzie Bird

Vogue Italy May 2009

------------------

You see...no matter what I do, I can't flush Fashion out of my system. Ugggg.

adeline R.

2009-05-13T18:42:00.001-07:00

She's this girl from lookbook.nu that I always see in my tumblr dashboard. But that's not all... Everytime lookbook's tumblr posts her photos, I always seem to click that heart button. Amazing... it's like I found the very exact person who'd represent my kind of style. IF I had the resources, clearly, the way she dresses? That's how you'd see me as well. Lots of monochromatic and neutral colors, loose fit, boots and tights/leggings, oversized tops/wraps and deconstructed denim.

She's 19 years old from Paris. The following would be 12 looks of hers that I love from the 144 photos she posted.

I want those red/dark brown booties! She actually has two. One from Topshop, another from Doc Marten's. Now I want Doc Marten's too! Black and red.

Visit her lookbook page for more of her "looks".

bastille

2009-05-12T21:49:00.000-07:00

My favorite story from the film, Paris Je T'aime

He ordered 3 servings of Profiteroles to go
and text-messaged his mistress.
He tended to his wife in every way she'd ever wanted,
hanging pictures around the house,
taking her to see her favorite movies in the daytime,
bargain-hunting with her although he hated shopping,
reading Sputnik Sweetheart out loud to her.
Every little thing had a different flavor,
knowing he'd never be able to do it for her again.

"By acting like a man in love, he became a man in love again."

being the "big brother" he is

2009-05-11T19:24:00.000-07:00

We only met 2006, we really didn't become close right away... not until like the 3rd or 4th month of our Macau exchange. And in that short time, we developed a relationship... which I can't really explain. He acts like a brother at times, calling me kiddo. But it wasn't just that. He gets me. I would say I get him too. We enjoyed our long conversations may it be in Sands or at the entrance of their apartment. Ice cream at night? Long talks on MSN?

After Macau, we still talked long hours on MSN. Til we both got busy. If before it was almost every night, it became once in 2 weeks or a month. And then just the occasional email.

Yeh it made me sad.

But you know, when I need him, he's there. At the right moment. And at times, his hard approach on things (he doesn't need to mellow his words when he's giving his opinion/advice), would strike a nerve but then, count to 15 seconds and the sting would have been pointless bec. you'd realize that what he's saying is true or smart. And at this moment in my life, he came to the rescue again. Just a talk with him on msn and it's like something was loosened in my head that I can think better and even feel better. Like he hit the right button or the right password. The talk didn't even last that long (like how we used to talk) but it was not rushed... he read my blog, he listened and gave really good advice.

So now everything's better. All the steps are not that clear yet, I still have to decide what to take eventually. But hey, at least my vision of what I want is more defined now.

It amazes me that this guy who you would think doesn't know much about me since we haven't been friends for long actually knows a lot.

Thanks T. Yes, even for the pressure, I thank you. :)

get together and give

2009-05-11T01:55:00.000-07:00

I did my first volunteer work last thursday. Northridge Mall, together with Salvation Army, hosted "Get Together and Give" - women from all over the city, of all ages, come together to assemble 400 personal care kits for hardworking moms in the community.

I was actually one of the "younger people". There were kids there and maybe two teens/pre-teens. But for women, I was the youngest.

It was okay. Was easy, we just had to fill like 10 mesh bags each. Items included were cotton buds, small combs/brushes, toothbrush, shower caps etc. I think I finished 12 or 13.

There really is nothing much that I can tell you. Well, I didn't know anyone. I would occasionally talk to another volunteer who was behind me at the assembly line, or who was sitting at the same table. The marketing manager would sometimes approach me and ask me stuff.

Did I enjoy? Not really. But it felt great that I contributed to a cause. :)

Egyptian Art

2009-05-06T19:02:00.000-07:00

One culture that I greatly admire (and even imagine as being a princess of in my past life) is that of the Egyptians'. They have such a rich history, sometimes you think, what if the richness of their civilization lasted til the present time. Anyway, I just want a piece (or more) of their culture in my life :)

In my future home, for sure you'd see Egyptian Papyrus paintings. There are paintings sold on the internet but I'm thinking it will be more genuine if I got it from a trip to Egypt. King, a friend of mine who went to Egypt I think last year, have pictures of papyrus souvenirs. Exactly the kind I want. I don't need those super expensive big time paintings that people get from auctions and galleries haha. I just want the souvenirs and then have them framed. So I can say I got them from a trip to Egypt! hehe. Anyhu, here are some photos I found on the net.

From top left, Queen Nefertiti, replica of a paint of Egyptian Musicians found in the famous Tomb of Nakht at Thebes and Maat, goddess of truth & justice, kneeling before the great mother goddess Isis.

This painting I found is similar to what we have before at our house in Manila, but ours had more earthy tones and didn't have the colors that this painting has.

King Tutankhamen and his wife Ankhesenamun.

I don't deny that i have a growing addiction for rings. But I don't need expensive ones. As long as I find it cool and fits my finger :)

A scarab ring with lapis stone and a silver Nefertiri ring.

Anubis book ends to hold all those History and Culture hard cover books!

Genie Bottles! I dunno what other use they have aside from being decors... I wonder if you can put wine? Haha. They're cool!

And perfume bottles! Too bad I don't really use perfume. But might as well use them just for decor hahaha.

These are actually good ideas for gifts! hmmm...

A scarab jewelry box

And finally, an Egyptian Galabia. :)

All photos and descriptions are from The Egyptian Giftshop Online.

updates with school/career dilemma

2009-05-06T18:53:00.000-07:00

An update: certificate in fashion design/production will take me two years to complete. What is that?!?!?! That's both in Monterey Peninsula College and City College of SF. FIDM would only take a year for the Product Development course. But it's just too darn expensive!!! 27k dollars don't just fall from the sky. And that's for tuition. And it's a super intensive course I don't think I'd have time for a part time job.

2 years... :( Can I wait that long? Will I be wasting time?

For a certificate in International Business, at Cal State Univ East Bay, they offer it for 6-9 months. But of course, lesser units. Same thing with the Non-Profit Mgt certificate, also at Cal State Univ East Bay. Only, classes are offered in Oakland and that's scary : I'm scared of living in Oakland. Too much carnapping, shooting and shit happening there. That's for Non-Profit mgt only... classes for IB are offered in another area. If I remember correctly.

I think I want to bang my head on the wall.

I need a career counselor!!!

what is my calling?

2009-05-05T14:58:00.000-07:00

So here it goes. I'm trying to map this confusion in this blog entry. Hopefully, I don't fail and the right words won't escape me.

What do I really want to do in life? I want to help people. I want to make a difference and be really good in it. Crazy to hear but I'd rather be in CNN Heroes or Time than be featured as the designer of the year in some elite high fashion magazine.

So there are actually three fields that are bothering my mind right now. Of course, a lot of friends already know that I'm considering fashion. Style, colors, photographs, runways... A part of me wants it and I think I can do well in it. It's just business (and I have a degree for that) combined with a sensibility for style. And I'd like to think that I have that too. A strong one even. I'm going to be big-headed in this blog, I apologize now, but there are a lot of people who have praised my style. So it makes me think, I might actually be successful if I enter the fashion industry. Also, the education isn't really a problem for me anymore (whatever trouble I had before in choosing the right school is fixed). There's a college that's near the city I live, it's a community college so I don't need to sell one of my functioning organs just to get a damn certificate. And yes, that's what I plan to get. Certificate? No, certificates. Certificates in fashion design, production and merchandising. Three certificates. But that's nonsense so just two. Maybe I don't need merchandising anymore since I already have a degree? Oh I dunno. I'd have to decide that later on. IF, I continue with this fashion "dream".

But that's the problem. Is it a dream that will last for a loooooong time? To be honest, I have my own prejudice for this kind of career. It's all clothes, textile, accessories... from the current season to the next... It's actually neverending. I'm afraid that I might not get the satisfaction I crave in this career bec. it's very materialistic? And what would happen to my brain cells? I'm afraid of what sort of company I'll be in. I imagine Devil Wears Prada, or The Hills. I'm afraid there isn't much to offer in this field when it comes to intelligence and I'm afraid of a shallowness in my personality if I stay in this field for too long. Chrissy, one of my best friends, was the one who voiced out what I had been thinking for a long time - that if I'm even having second thoughts about it and I'm worrying too much about intelligence, maybe I don't love fashion that much. And this could be the case. I'm only afraid of crossing out this career choice bec. somehow I feel this is where my path is leading me. God already gave me the sewing machine and a job in a store which is actually the business model I want if I start my own line in the future.

And then there's this other passion I have - causes. If, somehow, there was a course in my university before offering a minor in non-profit management or something similar, there would be no question that I would have taken it. I feel that not only do I want to help, I have an OBLIGATION to serve. That by not doing so would be the epic failure of my existence. And in the end, I would be ashamed to face God for I did not fulfill my calling.

That's the 2nd part of the dilemma. Should I take a certificate course in non-profit management (or something similar) and find a job in this sector after? Is it really necessary that I live with a purely non-profit and cause-oriented lifestyle? Or could it be that I'm passionate about this just now and in the future the passion would no longer burn? Is it really my calling. Bec. there are other ways of helping.

Third one is International Business. It's the closest to International Relations in my field. I'm not relying on International Relations anymore though bec. I think that's too far-fetched for me already. Is it? I find this attractive bec. I can imagine my mission going across borders, helping the children of the world. It would also help me in entering non-profit also if I have something in my resume that says international or global. Right?

Help me. I am really confused.

I am envious of hollywood stars. They earn lots of money, can go to school and not be a problem, be ambassadors of UN or whatever organization they support, even design their own clothes or have their own perfume and make a business out of it... Arrgh.

What to do? This was the ORIGINAL plan. Study fashion, enter the industry for work experience, work more, get promoted and learn about the dealings of handling a successful brand. Save money for business capital. Create own line, line that is socially aware and responsible. Business is built not on basis of profit alone but to help. Business is means to help a non-profit organization. Join non profit or even create own organization. Change the world one shirt at a time.

The problem with this, it feels it takes too long for me to be able to help. And... again, the fear that fashion would be the death of my brain cells. Pls. help.

If I actually get over this prejudice, everything's solved already and there would be no dilemma.

so much hate and jealousy

2009-05-03T18:57:00.000-07:00

I am starting to learn how not to be affected by every little thing that could possibly hurt my feelings.

My friend, who works in Britain, posted on her facebook that because of the recent fight between Pacquiao and Hatton, there is a heightend racism against Filipinos in UK. I guess you could always expect a word battle between supporters of two different camps. We have that in Football, in an Ateneo-La Salle game... It's all part of the experience. But what happens when bashing crosses the ropes of the ring and people began to feel that they're losing and are in need of ammo? They would throw anything at you, right? Just to win.

So that's what happened. Because our Filipino fighter has beaten their Hatton on the ring, they would now open other areas for argument, areas that would seem to put Filipinos in their place: like our country at a third-world level only, immigration and taking away their jobs.

And that is supposed to put Filipinos down? True, we may be a poor country compared to theirs but I don't feel it as an insult actually. I just don't. Maybe because I can think of so many things that would make me proud as a Filipino. There are those bad traits, but then, I liken it to ones' relationship our moms. I love my mom. There are habits of her that I even hate but they are not enough to make me hate her.

Or maybe because I have a whole different perspective on life. Ever since I've examined my faith more, I feel like I've really become a better person and I have finally learned how to let go of things which are not important. Such as these jealous British folks mocking my "pitiful" country.

They say that we hate so much the lifestyle in our country that we have to leave it. Contrary to that, the overseas Filipino workers would not leave the country if they have that luxury. They would always love home. But setting aside their own needs, they endure the hardships of living in another country (with the possibility of being discriminated) just so they can support their families. And although we may feel sad for them, it is better to feel proud for them. Bec. they endure... they persevere... they have hope and God.

If we're stealing away your jobs, fine, send us back home. But your gov't thinks otherwise. Why would they even recruit us in the first place? Bec. they can't find the people perfect for the jobs at your land. Either you're actually giving them away bec. of your pride and laziness, or you're just not as hardworking, skillfull and relentless as my countrymen.

Well, whatever. Obviously, someone from a third world country is much much better in boxing. Let's leave it at that.

As for me, sorry, I'm not affected. Why would I let negativities ruin my day? I choose not to. And bec. I've chosen to have this different attitude, it's starting to come naturally. I still care, I'm just smarter now in choosing what things I should care for. Me dwelling too much on the hateful words they throw at my nation, when theyre so far away and theyre just that...words... will not make me productive. I'd rather focus my energy for something worthwhile like catching up on my movie list or reading the bible. Even eating sour candies would be better. If those words become hateful actions, then, I think that's the time for me to be concerned. If they start hurting my countrymen in UK, I'm going to be Xena, warrior princess mode, probably.

Anyway, I always have God to talk to and pray to. God punishes.

Paintings

2009-04-29T22:10:00.000-07:00

Things you'd definitely see once I get my own place and have good disposable income would be the three Ps of wall decor which are, Paintings, Posters and Photos (no, they're not from any design textbook, I made it up haha). Etsy's a good shop to find good art. From now on, I'd be showcasing my finds from Etsy :)

Today's post would focus on paintings.

Paintings from TR Mack Studio

Art by Aisyah Ang

Something Different by Jennifer Comstock

100 Paintings by Robert Joyner

for the past few days

2009-04-28T19:51:00.000-07:00

Forever 21.

You are killing my savings. I can't help myself. I keep buying shirts for my brother. He has these.

And then there are those purchases I made for myself. Some of them:

I can't find pictures of black spandex shorts (for when I wear a dress), a brown big cardigan on sale (only $5.99), a purple dress I already showed Mel and this native indian pattern tunic. But the last one, my brother bought it for me.

And I even have things I already want :( I must control.

This dress my cousin bought when my relatives came over. It's sooo cute! I just don't think I can pull of florals especially when they're pink.

This pair of green croc gladiators. And the grey sandals.

OH WELL. I will not shop unless needed. For this week I mean. We have theme days and the coming Fridays/Saturdays will be Friday Night Party. Uggg... I don't think Id want to wear my party clothes to work. It's not very comfortable! Bleh. Will have to find a way to work my existing clothes so that I won't buy. I must save money!!!

But I did stock up on these eco-totes. They are reusable shopping bags that went on sale starting Earth day, last week Wednesday. For every tote Forever 21 sells, they will plant a tree.

Anyway, aside from me working in Forever21, why do I shop there a lot? First, the clothes are cute. Although the brand doesn't have the reputation for the best quality in clothes, they do offer fashion in very affordable prices. And it's not like I'm going to test-rip my clothes to see if they will last for a long time.

I love looking at indie shops or those vintage websites. Even Etsy, there are a lot of cute stuff in Etsy. But the thing is, it's too expensive :( I may like fashion a lot but I'm not really brand conscious. I do have a preference but that preference will take effect in the future haha if I'm earning more than enough. For the meantime, Forever 21 will be my walk-in closet when it comes to clothes. It's with shoes I'm more picky.

San Francisco

Yes, exactly the reason why I need to save. I'll be meeting with Jaja, one of my bestest friends, this coming end of May. I'm super excited! I also want to buy the black bomber jacket I've always wanted :( And maybe a pair of gladiator sandals and leopard flats. Those are the goals. Shopping goals I mean.

But aside from the shopping, I'm looking forward to a great conversation! I know Jaja will help keep my mind straight. It's still the problem with what classes/courses to take and what career path to follow.

Mexico

is one of the countries I want to visit actually. But I might have to rethink that especially now with this swine flu scare. First, it was the drug cartel wars that was being feared to take over the borders of US. Now, this. And it's more deadly. It makes me paranoid!!! Especially when in my work I interact with a lot of people! And that my city is primarily Mexican in heritage... Who knows, in the past week, how many of them have travelled to Mexico and paid a visit to their relatives. Or had to do some business.

Geesh, thank you Veoh for Sailor Moon. Keeps me sane.

Luisa Beccaria

2009-04-22T14:29:00.000-07:00

I just recently discovered her creations yesterday while checking out the fall 08 collections at Style.com (yes, im very late... I'm still in fall08 when it's past spring/summer09 fashion weeks).

They're gorgeous! I'm a fan of the whole collection! With some designers, you just like this piece or this detail in their collection. But with some, the whole show is a super treat for you! Just like how I fell in love with Alexander Wang and Givenchy, same thing with Luisa Beccaria! From the first piece til the last, it was emulating softness and light... Heavenly! Thy shall be my inspiration too in the future when I start creating my own designs :)

Too bad I can't find a full video of the runway presentation.

Anyway, this kind of design extends to what I want in the future for my home. As much as I personally would dress up in Alexander Wang street rock chic style or Juna Watanabe's capes and wraps, lots of blacks and greys and boots, my home would be a completely different thing. I would avoid dark rooms and too edgy decor. I'd stick to classic, airy, something reminiscent of old times like old maps and hardbound books of classic literature, pearls and a vanity, feathers and chiffon. Even wicker baskets perhaps and white linen. A combination of what you'd see in The Duchess set and a beach house (here comes Filipino style furniture featuring Rattan and Narra). Lots of sunshine and lots of whites with soft hues. Exactly like how Luisa, Milan-based designer, did with this collection.

Ahhh... I just love it. Seeing this collection makes me feel like my heart is flying with happiness.

sumabog

2009-04-20T02:04:00.000-07:00

I may have been too harsh on my brother. But the thing is, I really can't stand mediocrity and an easily-gives-up attitude. Googling definition of dogmas is NOT HARD at all. I don't understand. Fine, he wants to sleep early, but he kept bugging me earlier that he needed help in revising his essay. And now that it has my full attention and I give him corrections, he keeps butting in. And then gives up and decides to sleep.

I'm just used to not sleeping until work is done. That's the work ethic I learned in UPIS. Everything has to be right (if not perfect) and complete. If work is to be done, it has to be done the right way. Hindi puwedeng half-baked. To settle for something na pasado na is stupid. Unless you're super short on time and resources, what could be your other reason?

I just really hate mediocre. And it irks me more that my brother is my brother, we belong in one family, a closer network. That annoys me more!!! Like if you're my co-worker who didn't go to my same school or were brought up not giving value to work, then fine, I'll get annoyed but wouldn't really matter. Usually I'd just accept most of work (for fear relying on you might screw up the result).

But someone who's connected to you. I just want to rip my hair off... or his hair. I feel like I don't need to stress this value to him. Feel like it should be ingrained in him.

Oh well. I hope he learns. Or he just might be shocked with college.

I just feel bad that I have to say nasty things and shout at him. I was super mad. And for that I apologize. Anger is a monster.

update

2009-04-19T01:36:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have nothing to say. Usually, I'm full of thoughts and issues... stressmakers that I like to talk about. Or write about. And now it's just blah. I get tired from work (physically) that after work I just look forward to getting cozy in front of my laptop with apples and cinnamon oatmeal or swiss miss chocolate and sailor moon. As I always say in my yahoo messenger status message, Sailormoon a days keeps the bad vibes away. I just want work to be over so I can watch Usagi being stupid.

Well... before there was this confusion of going to fashion school and where. But I think I've pretty much decided on it. Will go to a community college for fashion merchandising/design instead of spending over 27k dollars in a "famous" design insititute. If I have the luxury of money, sure, I'll go there. Then again, 27k just for tuition, add the high cost of living in SF (or LA), it's too much... If ever I get a student loan, I'd rather save that day of getting buried in debt for master's. In my dream university. Bow.

Am I anxious about getting a job after? Yes. I do think if I get that degree from FIDM or even Academy of Art Univ, maybe it would be a lot easier for me to enter the fashion industy. I guess...well not guess... I JUST HAVE TO build a good portfolio, get super high grades... really do well and show them (both in resume and interview) that I'm good.

I think this is the path the Lord wants me to take. He gave me a sewing machine, my first job in one of the fashion brands I look up to (as my ideal business in the future), and the eye? haha. The taste maybe. I dunno what you call it (without being big-headed).

Anyhu, I shall watch Sailor Moon.

panic

2009-04-08T03:40:00.000-07:00

Friends know I've always been a panic freak.

For a long time, I've not experienced this panic thing... Occasionally, I'd have that anxiety of planning my future and what to do with my life... but not really that kind of panic of not having enough time. Last time it happened to me was the week before I moved here to the US. I would cram meeting with friends, packing, parties... trying to see people as much as I could before leaving.

Now, I feel like my heart's on overdrive mode again. For the "stupid" reason of playing games. I have started playing FF-X again on playstation 2 after a hiatus of 5 months. I really want to finish my file... I wasn't able to finish FF 8 and Legend of Legaia so this time I really want to claim that I've finished the game. And it's a struggle bec. I forgot where I was, what my goal was, the strategy. ACK.

And then I am also re-watching the old sailormoon episodes bec. I never finished them back in elementary. And keeping up with movies and other shows! CRAP.

To make me panic even more, just as I was contemplating earlier of playing sims 2 again (and I also have sims 1), I read in my friend's blog that sims 3 will come out on June. WAH!!!

SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME!

And I also have to give time to sewing. And my magazine pile.

Good luck Czarina. Just sleep less I guess haha.

shopping craze

2009-03-31T00:00:00.000-07:00

hay hay hay...

Last week, I bought around 5 tops minimum, 4 bottoms minimum...

I was thinking of Alexander Wang when I picked out this work ensemble. Notice my lanyard - I don't think Forever 21 will let me keep it if I quit work. :( But anyway, white top is from forever21, vest I trifted from Savers, shorts I cut from old Bench pants (cut it an hour before leaving the house haha), my 2nd pair of black boots and tights.

And I also bought 4 rings and a bangle.The peacock bangle is cute!

This week, I bought a purple maxi-ish dress.

I NEED CONTROL! No more shopping this week!

lonely

2009-03-30T02:54:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in this blog for almost two weeks? More?

Work is okay. It's really exhausting physically but at the end of my shift, my mind is still fully awake so I still don't get to sleep right away. Same thing. 3 in the morning or past it.

My paycheck for first week of work is a goner. Well, soon as I pay my shopping bills. I work in a clothing store and Im a bit of a fashion freak so... deadly savings combination. I have to be more strict with myself. I'm disappointed with myself. But I do have a valid reason - I need work clothes. I just need to budget wisely, back to the days of cutting the whole into different parts relevant to my future, such as: tuition, derma check-ups, san francisco trip (with jaja), and an ab machine. I couldn't even do sit-ups and crunches anymore. Hello fatness. We meet again.

On a more serious note...

Back in highschool, there was this personality test that the guidance office conducted - determining if one is a group person, a solo flight or both. I got the combination result. I am happy in a group but I have no trouble working alone.

I guess that's the reason why I never really felt lonely going here. I miss my friends but I still talk to them. Life moves on for me.

Until work.

A lot of my co-workers are students in highschool or the community college. They know each other... friends from the same school. I chat with them, laugh with them and stuff... but it's really not the same. I don't think they can be more than just my "work friends". Plus, there's this feeling that I'm in a wrong mix of people. I don't share their interests or their dreams...that same drive. There's this hunger for knowledge and company that I cannot satisfy. That's why I've been missing home for the past week now. My friends. It's hitting me. Finally.

I was fighting back tears when I went to church this afternoon. I was alone since my brother was doing school work in his classmate's house and my mom had a headache. There I was, saying the Our Father, alone, no hands to hold. And then this Filipino lolo, looking at him, something shot through me. Philippines. Home. It was hard fighting your heart. But I didn't have tissue with me... so even if my throat hurt, I fought it.

And during my prayer after communion, I just extended my pain to God and said, "all for your glory, God." If this is how He wants it, so be it. But it doesn't stop me from feeling the pain and the LONELINESS.

Faith. It will be better.

In the meantime, I will drive through the streets of Salinas, wanting to watch a movie, but have no one to ask.

forever

2009-03-18T23:48:00.000-07:00

so my first two days at work. PAIN. my body's in a complete shock (well...resting for like a year and almost doing nothing...)

8 hours of opening boxes, carrying/rolling them, picking up plastic, sorting and hanging clothes... im physically tired, not really mentally. i have bruises and cuts all over (didn't even feel the blade cutting me already).

But yesterday we were allowed to use our players since we people who work the overnight shift for this week don't have music to keep us alive. I was really working hard then suddenly the continuous stream of songs that were playing reminded me of friends.

I got really homesick.

This was playing.

Forever - Chris Brown

Although listening to this has a little negative feeling to it bec of his criminal case.

But anyway... :( I miss my friends and our dancing drinking days (or nights). Fun times. This song always reminds me of them.

produce

2009-03-16T15:34:00.000-07:00

I love the feel of those mushrooms.

one of my favorite sections at Safeway :)

Veggies! I don't really eat peppers but eggplants and beans and corn :p

i love touching them.

Seafood. Salmon. I love seafood.

thrift saturday

2009-03-14T21:31:00.000-07:00

From Goodwill to Savers.

The bigger plastic is from Savers. I got a cool black geometric top, a man's pink long-sleeve button up shirt and a cool oversized purple plaid top from Goodwill. Oh and a scarf. From Savers, a black tank (need to stock up on basics), a black and blue green printed sleeveless top, white button up long sleeves, black sheer sweater, vest, a bag and two pairs of earrings. Less than 50 bucks (even 40) for everything. Happy thrift hunting day :)

Look what I found at the books section at Savers. Eew? Won't spend 2.99 for that.

At the fitting room @ savers.

oh man what burden you have

2009-03-10T22:18:00.000-07:00

It seems whatever man creates or discovers, whatever this is, will always have two faces - for good or for evil.

A gun can both protect and kill an innocent.

Military formed to protect a constitution and a nation's people can be abused for power.

The success of transplant surgeries to help those who need a heart or a kidney - yet we have people selling their teeth or their liver for money.

Even a simple gadget as a fork - could help you eat or could assist you in stabbing that noisy pet.

The 2nd amendment of the USA, the right to bear arms for protection against evil is actually aiding Mexico drug cartels in acquiring assault weapons.

The right to free speech of freedom of human expression - and then you have vandalism and destruction of civil property.

Can man actually be effective in imposing limits? Even the laws are problematic. Makes me think, if society can actually succeed in attaining that community we all aspire for - almost utopia (bec. we know perfect is not really attainable plus the fact that perfect is also debatable). Is this the curse of man? We create but we also destroy. We succeed yet we fail.

Where is the balance? What is the balance?

I've already opened the topic about the 2nd amendment. Before, I was steadfast in my stand against guns. If you make them accessible, you're just making it easier for the corrupt to use them. Then again, one segment of DL Hughley Breaks the News opened my mind to enlightenment slash confusion. This guy who was for guns and for the 2nd amendment (part of the management in this shooting field in Texas) tells DL (the comedian who has his own fun news show in CNN) that even if you remove guns, evil will always be evil. They won't have guns but they'll use pitchforks and screwdrivers.

What a mess... After all, USA was a success of the militia, hence the importance of this 2nd amendment.

Then again... the drug wars in Mexico.

And to make it worse, not only do the weapons come from the US, even the money. The buyers are Americans. Hello?!?! Crazy world!

--------------

And on to Stem Cell Research. So Obama wants to lift the ban on embryonic stem cell research (or did he already sign and executive order?). Of course conservatives are fighting such order - the essence of humanity, the embryo as human life etc. I would actually believe this til 2 days ago? My mind did a backflip. I'm sorry Father Dacanay. Before I would say if it's an embryo, it's already a human life, it's almost like abortion.

However, my mom has pointed it out to me, the embryo would still be used for life. Is it still the same if you made the embryos naturally (yes through sex of a loving couple who wants to have kids) compared to being made in the lab? What if God has made this knowledge available to us to actually finds more ways of "creating" life? What actually differentiates this embryo for stem cells to this embryo as your baby?

But there would always be people who would take advantage. Later you'd see girls selling their eggs in the black market.

You see? It's really not black and white. In the end, only God can really say.

The life of man - confusing. There is always that presence of darkness. God enlighten me.

for vinya: more room photos

2009-03-08T15:00:00.001-07:00